Everett’s Story - Part One

This is the story of our 9th baby, Everett Virgil’s, conception, pregnancy, birth, and 1st week. I am breaking it up into parts:

Part One - Conception and Pregnancy
Part Two - Birth
Part Three - 1st Week

Conception has never really been easy for me. You can read about my journey with fertility issues and conceptions here, here, and here.

Deacon FINALLY started sleeping through the night at 11 months and my cycles came back almost exactly a month later. I knew that I wanted Deacon to have a close in age sibling, so I started charting right away. Since I have PCOS(polycystic ovarian syndrome), my cycles are irregular. The one after my 1st flow was 58 days. My app on https://www.fertilityfriend.com/ picked up ovulation, but my temps were kind of weird. My dip was at day 45, but my spike wasn’t until day 53. Then I started at just 7dpo. I was using one of the more expensive OPKs(ovulation predictor kit) that also measure estrogen. It had started showing “high” around day 22 and stayed that way with no LH surge for 11 days. I gave up. Our timing was still good, but my hormones just weren’t. 

The next cycle I decided to just get cheap LH surge strips off Amazon. It was $20 and had 50 LH strips and 20 pregnancy tests. 

I didn’t show any signs of fertility until day 42. The strip was negative that day. I tested again 2 days later and it was positive. We attempted conception both days. On day 45, Summer and I were at Whole Foods and I was having some discomfort and had a strong feeling I was ovulating(03/16). I started taking pregnancy tests at 7 dpo(days past ovulation) and got a Big Fat Positive on day 10! That conception date gave me an EDD(estimated due date) of 12/07/2018... 12 days after Deacons 2nd birthday 🎂

A little background for those who don’t know... Everett is our 8th live birth. My 9th pregnancy. Joshua was a hospital birth with the works: stadol, AROM(artificial rupture of membranes), epidural, and pitocin. Jacob and Summer were natural hospital births with the exception of AROM that I labored in the bed with. Ronan and Raiden were the same as Jacob and Summer, but I labored in the tub. Also with them I planned and did catch them myself. Actually with Ronan, my OB didn’t make it in time for the birth. Sierra was my 1st homebirth. It was a 19 minute precipitous labor after a few days of pre/prodromal labor that just felt like more frequent Braxton Hicks. My midwife didn’t make it to her birth either. Dani was my 10+3 week loss. I birthed naturally at home a week after finding out our precious baby no longer had a heartbeat. With Deacon, I planned(and partially paid for) to have a homebirth, but had a difficult pregnancy with kidney stones, glucose intolerance and an extremely irritable uterus. My water ended up breaking at 35+3 and I decided to go to the hospital. The labor went great, but the delivery ended up being a bit traumatic for me(baby was fine). 

Their birth stories can be found at these links: 

Natural Childbirth - Part One

Natural Childbirth - Part Two

Prodromal/Precipitous Unplanned Unassisted Home Waterbirth 

Deacon's Birth Story - Part Two  

That brings me to some unconventional decisions with Everett’s pregnancy and birth. I didn’t want to pay thousands of dollars to a midwife again to plan a homebirth that quite possibly wouldn’t be attended anyway. Since I am a healthy, knowledgeable woman, I felt I could do my own prenatal care as long as there weren’t any concerns. I tested my urine, weighed myself, checked my blood pressure and sugar, measured my belly, and listened for baby just like they would do at any prenatal. 

At around 14 weeks I became aware that not only was I still having some glucose intolerance (which never went away after Deacon’s birth), but I was also having some fasting lows. I started seeing an Endocrinologist to monitor me for this.

16 weeks

Before I was able to hear baby’s heartbeat at 17 weeks, I was able to hear and locate my placenta with my fetoscope.... pretty cool. 

At around 20 weeks, I started having more of an irritable uterus again. Crampbark helped, but I was having more discomfort with these Braxton Hicks so, I decided to go ahead and start seeing an OB to have my cervix scanned to make sure it wasn’t shortening or funneling which could cause preterm labor or my water breaking early again.

20 weeks

I hadn’t planned on having any ultrasounds or finding out the gender, but since they were going to be using ultrasound anyway I decided to go ahead and to a full anatomy scan at 23 weeks. I just requested no 3D/4D images and to do it as quick as possible. We found out we were having boy #6.

At my 1st appointment before the scan we decided to try progesterone shots to calm my uterus, but it was so painful and gave me a horrible migraine. I opted to discontinue them and put myself on more of a bed rest on top of the pelvic rest and no lifting that my doctor recommended. 

My endo expected me to get more insulin resistant and have less lows as I entered my 3rd trimester, but just the opposite happened. 

I read an article online that said sometimes low progesterone can cause hypoglycemia along with an irritable uterus. I asked my OB to check my levels. They did come back a little low. I decided to try suppositories instead of the shots this time. Unfortunately it didn’t help with the lows. They did seem to help a little with the contractions on a daily basis though. I was still having episodes every now and then, but it was manageable. 

At my 32 week appointment my OB suggested a growth scan the next week. I didn’t think it was necessary, but I wanted to have them check my cervix again so I agreed. Cervix was still looking good and baby was growing perfectly. 

Click here for Part Two

Deacon's Birth Story - Part One

Of course I couldn't dive into the actual birth without the journey there, so I've done it in parts again. If you want to skip straight to the birth click here.

Deacon is 3 weeks now. His birth definitely wasn't the serene home birth I had imagined. This whole pregnancy was challenging. He gained the title Rainbow Baby because that is what babies born after a loss are called. Something beautiful after a storm. That name has been amplified for Deacon for sure. 

A shortish recap is that I became pregnant after trying for a couple years in September of 2015. We got a positive pregnancy test on October 4th . November 17th we went in for our 1st midwife appointment. No heartbeat could be found. They did an ultrasound where we saw that our tiny baby had only grown to 10+3 weeks. It took another week for his/her body to be born naturally at home on November 24th. Here is my complete miscarriage story.

I got pregnant again with Deacon in April of 2016. At 10 weeks I started spotting. I went in for an ultrasound and saw that everything was fine. I spotted on and off until 18 weeks. More here.

Kidney stones were my next bump in the road. I started having mild flank and bladder pain at 12 weeks, the beginning of July. On September 11th, I had the worst pain ever and when to the ER. Morphine didn't touch it so they put me on a dilaudid pump. That lessened it but didn't stop it. I started having non painful contractions every 2-3 minutes, so they gave me terbutaline. It stopped the contractions and my pain went away as well. I had a few little episodes over the next month, but on October 15th, it got bad again. Not as bad as last time, but bad enough to send me back to the hospital. This time one shot of dilaudid knocked it out. Thank the Lord it never got that bad again, a few minor episodes, but my CT after he was born showed it had passed at some point.

At 28 weeks I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes for the first time. I was able to stay diet controlled, but it was hard. I'm not sure I would have made it without medicine if he hadn't come early. 

Next was the threatened preterm labor. At 33+4 I started having more contractions 2-3 minutes apart. I went to the hospital and they gave me terbutaline again to stop them. It slowed them down, but didn't stop them so they also gave me procardia. They sent me home with another dose in case it picked back up when the medicine all wore off. 

I'm going to insert a bit about my home birth/provider struggle. When I first found out I was pregnant again, I was going to go back to the same midwife I went to when I had my loss, but I just couldn't do it. It was still too fresh to go back there. The only other CNM in town was pregnant too, and due around the same time as I was. I made a few appointments with local CPMs, but decided to interview with a CNM out of Danville as well. I sent her a list of my questions and she was very through. I ended up canceling my other appointments and going with her. She asks that you also establish care with a provider with hospital privileges. I decided to go with the doctor in Stanford that signs off on her because I knew the he was supportive of homebirth. My other pregnancies and deliveries had been so smooth, I really didn't think I'd need him anyways beyond ultrasounds. But after struggling with GD and being afraid of going early on top of kidney stones and everything else (by this time it was November and I was dealing with all the emotions of it being a year since my miscarriage), I had decided to transfer care to a hospital midwife. Since I wasn't 35 weeks yet, it made the most logical sense to go to someone who had privileges at the closest hospital with a NICU. I went and saw two. I decided to go with the 2nd because I thought she would be able to empathize with me because she was a homebirther herself. In the office, she gave me a steroid shot to help develop Deacon's lungs in case he did come early. That same evening, at 34 weeks, I started having contraction again! My care did not go how I had envisioned it though.

I'm just not a big hospital fan when it comes to labor and delivery. First of all when I started having contractions, I didn't even get to talk to see the MW I had just transfered care to. The OB she works with was on call. I hadn't planned on having any vaginal exams during pregnancy, but this whole preterm labor thing had thrown me for a loop. Cervical checks are very subjective and don't really tell you much unless you are assessing change with the same person checking. In the office that day I let my new MW check me so if I went back into the hospital, she could tell if there had been any change. Little did I know, she wouldn't come to the hospital unless I was confirmed to be in labor. Homebirth spoils you. I had to see another hospitalist when I arrived. I had found out there is a test for preterm labor called a fetal fibronectin test, but being checked in the last 24 hours can give a false positive. He decided to go ahead and do it because if it was negative it would mean I wasn't in preterm labor, and wouldn't likely give birth in the next 2 weeks. If it came back positive, they would have to redo it because I had let my new MW check me that day... grr. Of course his shift ended and I had to see yet another hospitalist. They tried to stop my contractions with just procardia this time and it wasn't working. They thought maybe the steroid shot triggered them and wanted to keep me that day on magnesium while I got my 2nd dose. That was awful. I was on it for 12 hours. I couldn't get out of bed. They had to catheterize me, put air compressions on my legs to prevent clots, and check my blood pressure every 30 minutes. It makes you feel like you're burning from the inside out. Turns out the test they had done got messed up at the lab so we decided to just wait until the next day to redo it. The mag didn't stop the contractions, so before it ended, they put me back on procardia and gave me something to help me sleep, but it didn't work. The procardia made my blood pressure drop and my heart rate go up, making sleep impossible. The next day I thought I was going to finally get to see my midwife, but apparently it was her day off so the OB came in and redid the test. It came back negative. PHEW! The contactions had finally stopped overnight, so I went home with a diagnosis of irritable uterus.

The next day I called my homebirth midwife and asked her if she'd take me back :) We thought that I wasn't going to give birth until at least 36 weeks. At that point I could give birth at home or at the hospital in Stanford, if I thought I could make it. If I could make it until 37 weeks, I could have my homebirth no question. Everyone said I didn't need to be on bed rest, but I was afraid that if the contractions started again, that they would cause my water break. Turns out I was half right....

Thanksgiving fell on November 24th this year, Dani's birthday, the baby we lost last year. I decided I didn't want to go to Louisville this year. I wanted to stay home and mourn where I had birthed and buried my baby. We have a few families at our church that are from out of town and don't have family close by. Some of them couldn't make it home for Thanksgiving. Our church is a family. When we lost Dani, they prayed and they cried with me. They give me strength through Him. We invited over a couple of families with the understanding it would be nothing fancy. Summer prepared the turkey breasts. Scott and Joshua did the rest. We used paper plates and throw away serving trays. What little dishes were dirtied, were washed by Jacob. Summer had cleaned the house in the days prior. I am truly blessed. I took it easy. I even did the shopping through Kroger's click list. It was a good day. I went to bed with no contractions. 

Read Part Two Here 

Here we grow again!

After we lost Dani, as soon as I got a negative pregnancy test, I started charting my cycles again. There is no right time to get pregnant after a miscarriage. Something will always be wrong. Some people like to wait 1 cycle, some 3(especially if they had a d&c), some after their due date, some after the anniversary of their loss. The fact will always remain though, that it will forever be wrong. The order of our kids are all messed up. If your miscarriage was your first pregnancy, next time around everyone who doesn't know will ask if this is your first. After they're born people will say, "Do you just have the one?" I'm on the other end of the spectrum. My last announcement said, "Seventh Wonder of the Fertig Family... Coming June 2016" What do I say now? Can I say baby #8 is on the way? I can say I have 6 kids on earth, 1 I'll meet in heaven, and 1 on the way. That's a mouthful. Later it'll be a little easier. 7 on earth, 1 I'll meet in heaven. We will be a family of 9 though, when it feels like it should be 10, on paper... It will feel wrong. I've pondered the idea that everything that happens for a reason. That it's all part of Gods master plan, but it's not. He doesn't want us to suffer. He'd love for everything to be perfect, and it will be someday. The fact is, in order for us to love, we had to start out with free will, which brought sin into the world, which brought suffering. He mourns with us. His master plan was to send Jesus Christ to saves us from eternal separation. So we can experience His perfectness someday. His plan for us on earth is that we will use our suffering.
Romans 5New International Version (NIV)
Peace and Hope
5 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith,we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] boast in the hopeof the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

No matter what I say, there will be that twinge in my heart for Dani. It's something I'll carry until we meet in heaven. I didn't want to wait to start trying for another baby. I will never "get over the loss". Trying gave me something else to focus on, so I didn't get swallowed in my grief. I'm no spring chicken and I felt time was running out and my cycles are crazy.

My 1st cycle was 53 days and my second was 59. Each time I started was a kick in the gut. A painful, both physically and emotionally, reminder that where life should be, there was none. I didn't have my Dani and I wasn't getting a new baby in 7-8 months. This cycle was a little different, shorter. I ovulated on day 23 and my luteal phase it usually on 12 days, so it was setting up for a 35 day cycle... Almost normal. I had a lot of acne, so hormones were high. I was afraid we had missed it because I hadn't started taking my predictor tests yet, but I saw my temperature shift. It had been almost 3 days since.... You know :) A week went by and on day 7 past ovulation(dpo) I got anxious and took a pregnancy test that is suppose to detect 6 days before your expected period. It was negative, and so it was the next day, and the next 2 days, or so I thought. I had gotten my hopes up the 1st cycle, I was pretty sure we missed it the 2nd one and was right. I even missed when I ovulated that time, but in back tracking, I thought we had missed it by 3 days, just like this time. I just really expected to be negative again. So I was just going through the motions. It was first thing in the morning, I didn't even put my glasses on. As soon as I would see the control line I assumed I was right again and toss them back in the wrapper and back in the cabinet. A friend of mine had thrown her test in the trash once, right before I came over. She thought it was negative, but I pulled it out and it was a faint positive, so I never pitch them. I hadn't used this brand with my other pregnancies. I'd always used generic ones and I guess I was far enough along that you didn't have to wait the 2-3 minutes.

After the 4th test I gave up. I ran out and wasn't going to buy anymore. I figured I'd start by Tuesday. But I didn't. I was having a hard time going to sleep and started thinking that maybe I just tested too early. Then I started thinking about the ones I had already taken. I decided to go check them again... At 1:30 in the morning. Two of them were positive. I didn't think I was EVER going to get back to sleep. Scott was leaving for Detroit in the morning and I didn't want him to leave without telling him, so even after I did go to sleep it wasn't restful. The emotions ran the gambit. From disbelief, to not wanting to get my hopes up, to excitement, to guilt. I thought... What if it IS too soon. Am I dishonoring Dani by not waiting until the due date. But the way I see it due dates are arbitrary. None of my kids were born on their due dates. Dani died in my womb and was born November 24th 2015. Waiting wasn't going to change that. I honor Dani's memory continually. That is the rational thought. But I kept thinking, "I'm so sorry Dani".



The next day I told a few people who are close to me. I am so blessed to have different people to understand the different aspects of where I am and can support me uniquely. The tears came and I let them. I have learned to take grief like the tide. Let it well up and wash over you, then let it recede. I had read that sometimes after a few days, you can get evaporation lines on a pregnancy test that some people can mistake for a positive. I went to the store for more tests. I couldn't wait until the next morning, so I just waited until I needed to pee. It took a minute or so, but a faint second line started to appear. Still in denial, the next morning I pee'd on yet another stick hoping for a bright neon line. I'm definitely pregnant.

The next question is do I wait to tell people. I knew from the time I started trying that I would not wait the customary 12 weeks "just in case". I am trying to be a little bit cautious. I have read that early pregnancies can turn out to be chemical pregnancies where an egg is fertilized but doesn't implant and start to develop. Then there are cases of blighted ovums where it implants, the gestational sac and the placenta develop, but no embryo. These are still losses, but I look at these a little different, especially when it come to explaining to my little kids. I want to know there is a baby developing before I tell them I'm pregnant. I don't want an early ultrasound, so I am hoping that my midwife will agree to check my hcg levels every few days or so. That away I can see if it is progressing as it should. Then I'll be able to breathe a sigh of relief and celebrate the life within. Right now... I am cautiously optimistic.

I waited for my blood test to post this. My HCG was 173 on Thursday. I thought I was 15 dpo then but the range for then is 17-147 with an average of 59. I must have ovulated the day before, just after I took my temperature. My 1st positive would have been on 8 dpo... Which I think is the earliest it can be detected. That puts my due date at December 27th. My progesterone level was REALLY good. Anything above 10 is good and mine was 23, so they said there is not reason to redraw. I'm excited to start this new journey, come what may.

My Miscarriage Story - Part 2

This is my miscarriage story, but it starts many months before our baby passed away... I'm posting it as series in case someone just wants to read part.

Part 1 - Trying to Conceive
Part 2 - Pregnancy
Part 3 - The Decision- Natural or D&C
Part 4 - Limbo
Part 5 - The Process
Part 6 - The Burial and After (contains pictures of miscarried baby)

Part 2 - Pregnancy

We were elated. During my last 6 pregnancies, I had become progressively sicker, with the exception of Jacob, who I was only nauseated for 3 weeks and never threw up. With Sierra, I couldn't lift my head for months without throwing up. My 1st symptom this time was that my digestion slowed to nearly a stop. I was also extremely tired in the evenings.



In my mind I was already planning so much. What I needed, which wasn't much. What I didn't need, which was a lot. It's funny the more babies you have the less desire you have for stuff. I didn't want swings and bouncy seats... just to wear my baby close as much as possible. Summer wanted me to have twins so bad, because she knows I'm such a baby hog. My belly was growing so fast.

Sierra was excited to share her bed. She sleep in a crib that has the rail off and is side-carred  to our bed. I was going to put the baby in a Moses basket, in her bed.

I wanted a Blessing Way for this baby. It much more intimate than a baby shower. Everyone brings a bead for the mom to make a necklace to wear during the birth, so she is surrounded by the women she is closest to. They make little flags to hang up in the labor room with prayers and words of encouragement. Everyone goes home with a candle to burn when the mom goes into labor and keep vigil and pray for her. No gifts, just fellowship and food.

I made an appointment with a midwife for November 11th at her Versailles office. They asked if I wanted an early, dating ultrasound, because if I did, I would need to go the Frankfort office. Since I was pretty sure I knew when I conceived, I opted not to. There's research that suggest it's best to expose preborn babies to no more ultrasounds than necessary. I would have had a 20 week one, so if there were any problems, we would be aware.

The only problems that I experienced, other than an uneasy feeling because I didn't feel sick, was that on a few occasions I had some very slight spotting. I also experienced this with Jacob's pregnancy though. I ended up with a low lying placenta with him. At my 20 week it was a partial placenta previa, but moved up enough by my next ultrasound to have a vaginal birth. I did end up with some bleeding during labor, but the delivery was so fast, it wasn't a problem. I knew this would keep me from having a homebirth, but would have rathered it been that.

The office ended up calling me to reschedule my appointment. To get in on the day of the week I wanted to I ended up having to go to the Frankfort office anyway. My new appoint was Tuesday, November 17th. I would be around 10 weeks by my estimation. I was in Louisville visiting my mom. Her, Summer and Sierra came with me. I still couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right.

It's funny the little ways the Lord prepares you. On the Friday before, I was talking to a friend at co-op, and she told me about one of her pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. She went in for her 10 week visit and found out her baby didn't developed past 6. Then that evening, I watched Marley and Me with some of the kids and when she goes in for her 10 week, the baby doesn't have a heartbeat. I asked mom and the girls to wait while I had a chance to meet the midwife by myself first... since this was our first meeting.

32 week Maternity Photos

Big thanks to my Hubby for being patient with me and making these pics possible!

Co-sleeping AP update

In my post My Journey to Attachment Parenting http://everevolvingeve.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-journey-to-attachment-parenting.html , I talked about how the sleeping arrangements are always changing at my house. This happens when everybody isn't getting the best sleep, we find what works better for this stage of that child development. When I left off we had just moved Ronan into Jacob old room. Sometimes he would sleep in there and other times he would end up in the big boys bed. The PS3 is in Ronans room and Joshua has started playing online with his friends. He gets to stay up until 10, an hour after Jacob and Summer. So a lot of times Jacob would get Ronan to come to bed with him. This would be fine except a) It would keep the boys from being able to make their bed in the morning or b) they would end up waking him up. So we decided to put an extra mattress in the floor in our bedroom. The other night he decided to get into our bed. I told Scott I didn't think it was a good idea because there wouldn't be room once the baby gets here. I was afraid it would become a habit and then he would resent the baby for kicking him out of mommy and daddys bed!  Scott insisted it wouldn't be a problem. Ronan kicks a lot so Scott slept in the middle to "protect" me. I ended up with very little bed. This in itself was a problem for me being pregnant. I have to sleep on my side and I use my top knee like a kick stand to prop me up. I didn't have room to do this. Then I woke up with no covers and Ronan was laying on top of them so I couldn't just pull them back over!  The next day I began to contemplate a solution. I decided it would be best if Scott slept in Ronans bed with him. He gets the security he's seeking. Then when the new baby gets here we will have plenty of room!

Tonight Ronan jumped up in the bed with me. I told him he needed to get in his bed with Daddy. He said, "but I love you!" I was like Awe! Go get your pillow and blankie! He ended up laying back down with Scott. I guess he just needed to know I would let him if he really wanted to.

I know some people wouldn't agree, but it works for us. With Joshua, he ended up in the back in the bed with us after his crib. At one point we had a full size bed and a twin bumped up together. Scott and Joshua on the big bed, me on the twin! We transitioned him back to his own space when he turned 5 no problem. Well, with Jacob!

How and Why we do it!

Psalms 127 3-5

3 Lo, children are a heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. 4 As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. 5 Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

But Seriously, why so many?  This question has burned me for months now. It came from someone with zero kids! Why is it that others feel to judge someone elses life choices. I don't care how many or few kids someone else has. 

This is it, right? Again, why do you care... I don't ask for help from anyone, heck I turn down babysitting offers! Scott and I don't like waisting money on going out. We'd rather spend our weekends playing games and watching movies with our kids. We wouldn't keep having them if we didn't like spending time with them! A date once or twice a year is plenty and my mom can provide that.. She doesn't judge me. 

We never really discussed how many kids we wanted. Like I wrote about previously.. Drs told me I would probably be infertile. They said I have Polycystic Ovaries, high LH levels and low FSH levels. Although I'm not overweight, nor do I have diabetes, therefore I don't fit the bill for PCOS. I could probably count the number of periods I've had in my whole life. We decided then I would quit taking birth control... I was 18. Two years later, I got pregnant. I did not enjoy pregnancy or the birth, thought one was enough. 

Then I became a SAHM. Joshua was getting big, I got an itch. Just when we thought it wasn't going to... It happened again. Almost exactly two years after I gave birth to Joshua. Still no birth control. I discovered the joy of natural childbirth. 

We didn't have time to even think about it before Summer came along. At first I thought I wanted another right away. Then I changed my mind. Said I was done. Got an IUD. That lasted about 3-4 months. Then I changed my mind again!

This time it took 4 years. I knew I wanted just one more.  15 months later I got my wish. Again during the pregnancy I said, This is it, I'm done! Shortly after the birth I began to change my mind again. A year later, yes ,I'm pregnant AGAIN. 

So in answer to some of the questions (stole this off the Internet):

Yes, we know how it happens, and we enjoy it very much.

No, we are not Catholic or Amish.

If you think our hands are full, you should see our hearts!

So are we done? Today I say yes. The first half of this pregnancy was horrible. I don't think I can do it again. I've been trying to talk Scott into a vasectomy. He's chicken and doesn't want to. I'm NOT getting my tubes tied, nor will I use hormones to mess with my already messed up hormones. So as of right now, he's not touching me after this baby is born! I think he'll cave on the V. We have 8 chairs at our kitchen table and 8 seats in our van. When this baby starts kindergarden, Joshua will be starting college. I think we are complete!

But I couldn't imagine my life any other way. All seems right in our universe with God at it center. I don't feel overwhelmed. In fact, I was much more stressed when I only had three. We have a great routine, that runs smoothly. 

Eventhough we aren't at the peak of our income. We are probably better off financially that ever because we are living inside our means. We've paid off all of our credit cards. We got rid of our satellite bill. We cut our cell bill by $60 a month. We dont have a land line. We started cloth diapering. We haven't used paper plates in over a year. We pay our kids for good grades, make them save some longterm, then throughout the year, if they want something, they have to pay for it out of a shortterm savings... Even a school dance! Like I said earlier, we don't go out waisting money. We budget. They get a certain amount for their birthdays and a certain amount for Christmas. They have plenty, they don't want for anything. 

We don't do a lot of organized extra curricular activities. They like gymnastics and tumbling, so we have a trampoline, low bar, tumbling mats, and floor beam. Summer wanted to learn some ballet so she bought herself a tutu, some ballet shoes, and some instructional videos, she uses her gym bar. They have a guitar, keyboard, flutes, and harmonica. I went online and printed sheet music, with notes and guitar tabs. We learned a little together. They like to swim, so we've always had a pool. Except our 1st summer here. Once they can do school sponsored sports, if they want to join, that's fine. Joshua likes playing football on the playground but doesn't want to participate in organized games, that's fine too. 

So in answer to the last question everyone has: That's how we do it! As far as why: because we want to and we can; because God let's us!

Oh the Anticipation!!!!

I'm already getting anxious and I'm only 24 weeks!!!! No matter how many babies I have, it's still soooo exciting!!! Especially since I'm looking forward to a homebirth this time. I downloaded 3 different playlist from iTunes. One is for early labor. It has a couple of Allison Krause songs... One of which is mine and Scotts song... When You say Nothing at All and one called I Will. I also found a track of her singing Baby Mine, from the Dumbo movie. The others are from a group called Celtic Woman... They are very angelic. I found a track of them singing You'll be in my Heart, from Tarzan. That was Joshuas favorite movie when he was a toddler. We bought that movie on VHS three time because he kept wearing it out. I can't count the number of times he would curl up in my lap when that song was on. It still brings tears to my eyes. I want the early part of my labor to be an intimate time for me and Scott.

My birth playlist I chose for the time I'm in the tub has more of an earthy, tribal feel to it. Ironically, one of the albums I bought is called water birth. The artist calls herself a tunnel singer. She uses acoustics along with her voice to create beautiful music. There are no words though. This album was recorded at a place called the Cistern... Not Sistine... Chapel. It's a two-million-gallon underground, water tank--at Fort Worden, near Port Townsend in Washington state. http://www.tunnelsinger.com/ptstory.htm  Pretty cool stuff. I also got the soundtrack to a documentary called Orgasmic Birth. Again the tracks I chose have no word... Just music accompanied by womens voices. 

My third playlist is for after the baby is born. It's mostly instrumentals of classic lullabies and Disney songs. My favorites are from Fred Molin. He uses a lot of different instruments. I have a couple that are guitar only and Amazing Grace on piano. Lastly, I have Louis Armstrong singing It's a Wonderful World and Iz's version of Somewhere over the Rainbow.

I play my first list when Scott gives me massages. I practice relaxation and visualize myself in labor. I've never really used a breathing "technique"... Just deep breathing, whatever feels right and relaxes me at the time. I mostly just go inside myself during a wave. At this point it's not as much about escaping from any pain. I don't relate pain to childbirth. It's  relaxing to allow my body to open up so that I can meet by new baby.

Everytime I take a bath I listen to my birth music. At this time the waves will be more intense when I'm actually in labor. It's labor land time! When I think back on past labors the only way I describe it is, other worldly, completely in the zone. Nothing else exists at this time. The water let's me be at one with my baby. Each wave swells then recedes like the ocean. In between I am relaxed but I don't quite come back completely to this world like in early/active labor. Then the most anticipated moment arrives. In the past my bliss has always been interrupted. As soon as I felt the least bit of pressure I was forced out of my own internal womb, into the cold. Where I was put in the least comfortable position to be checked DURING a wave by a nurse, then confirmed by my dr and my membranes ruptured. This time I get to just continue listening to my body. There is no question when it's time to push nor is it a decision. The overwhelming urge is incredible. Women are conditioned to fear this moment but I welcome it. It's such a relief getting to actually DO something rather than simply letting it happen. Did you know that when you actually feel the baby come down and begin to stretch your perineum, it is THE biggest surge of oxytocin, the love hormone, you will ever be able to experience in your whole entire life. This same hormone is what gives breastfeeding mom such a relaxed, good feeling when they nurse, further increasing their bond. AND it's the hormone responsible for the big "O"! That's why women who give birth naturally report such a euphoric state afterwards. Endorphines also come into play here. Scoring the winning touchdown in the superbowl can't compare to the high a woman receives from natural childbirth. 

Wow... The rest of my post is going to seem boring after that... I may need to go take a cold shower! Lol

Anyway, where was I... Oh yeah... Playlists. I listen to my baby one at night when I winding down to go to sleep. I hold my phone close to my belly so she/he can hear too.  I picture holding and nursing my new baby in my own bed in those first precious moments while I'm still filled with all those wonderful hormones!

I can't wait!! I've already gotten most of the stuff I need for the birth. All the diapers, tee shirts, and blankets are washed. Since we don't know the sex of this baby yet, I got a pack of little girly hats and ordered some newborn bows from eBay... 12 for 1.89. The rest is unisex. Plain white tshirts. I went through Ronan and Raidens stuff and picked out all the yellow and green outfits.  I bought an in bed co-sleeper. I didn't buy anything new for the main floor nursery. I wanted to fix it up though. I took some extra stuff from Summers room and decorated it girly. It'll be easy to switch back if it ends up being a boy.  

 I don't know what I'm going to do for the next three months or so! I think after being SOOO sick for the first 20 weeks, it's just now really sinking in. I feel great, feeling the baby kick and squirm. Not so big that I'm uncomfortable, but big enough to be cute! I guess I need to just sit back and enjoy it. With my history of going early I plan to put myself on a modified bed rest from about 32-34 weeks until 37 weeks any way. It'll be good that I got prepared early. The next milestone to look forward to is the begin of my third trimester. It's going to be a LONG 4 weeks!

Natural Childbirth - Part 2

After Summer God gave us a 5 year baby break. During this time is when I lent out my library. When I finally got pregnant with Ronan I went out and got a couple of new books. Most notably... Ina May's Guide to Natural Childbirth and Birthing from Within. I decided this time I was going to have a birthing plan.  Here's a copy...

Birth Plan
Clark Regional Medical Center
August/September 2009

    We realize that birth offers many surprises.  We are more than willing to work with the staff should circumstances arise.  These are our preferences if everything is going smoothly.  We hope that you are willing to work with us.  Thank you.

Labor:

Attendants:  Dad and/or babysitter are the  only ones permitted in the delivery room.
Setting:  Please dim the lights and be as quiet as possible.  Only ask me questions that others cannot answer.
Pain Relief:  Please do not even mention pain medication, we will let you know if it becomes necessary.
IV:  I prefer a heparin  lock.
Position:  I would like to be free to move about as I wish.
Cervical checks:  Kept to a minimum and performed in a position other than flat on my back if in intense labor.
Monitoring:  Continuous monitoring for a short time upon  admission  only please.  A portable Doppler may be used if necessary thereafter.

Birth:

Position:  I would like to try squatting/kneeling in the bed or whatever feels natural at the time.
Pushing:  I would prefer to push spontaneously with contractions.  Please no loud coaching , although  quiet encouragement is welcomed.
Delivery:  I would like to catch my own baby unless dad is present and wishes to.
Monitoring:  Handheld Doppler only if pushing becomes prolonged please.

After Birth:

Suctioning:  In my arms as necessary.
Drying:  Please hand me a blanket and I will dry and stimulate my baby.
Cord cutting:  Dad or I will cut the cord after it stops pulsing.
Placenta:  Bed can be taken apart for delivery of placenta.
Bleeding:  Please allow me to try breastfeeding before pitocin is administered.

Baby Care:

Newborn Assessment, ect.:  Please do not take my baby from me unless necessary until after I have breastfed to help minimize  my bleeding.  Perform all assessments possible in my arms.
Eye Ointment:  I would like to forgo the administration of eye prophylactics but if deemed necessary I would like to delay at least one hour.
Rooming:  I would prefer my baby not be taken to the nursery unless absolutely necessary.
Warming:  Skin to skin with a warm blanket covering both of us.  I would be willing to take the baby’s temperature periodically and if it drops to low, allow him to be taken to the nursery for warming.
Weighing:  I would like to accompany my baby when taken to be weighed.
Bathing:  I would prefer to bath my baby in my room.  Again, I will do temperature monitoring.
Visitors:  Only allowed in mother-baby room once we are settled.

Discharge:

After PKU screening, about 24 hours after birth.
   
Please discuss with us any of our request that you are unable to accommodate.

Thank You,


It was edited slightly between Ronan and Raiden but not much. I took out the part where I wanted to give the first bath. I really wanted to, but it was just something I ended up compromising. I considered a homebirth but I had been through so much with my dr at that point I thought I'd present him with my plan and see how he reacted.... He didn't bat an eye. He did ask that I bring in some research on catching my own baby. I printed some material from this website http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com/
And another I can't recall. I'm sure he wanted his butt covered "just in case".

Saturday, August 25th I started having a lot of braxton hicks contractions.  They weren't very stong or consistant, and then they just stopped. The same thing happend on Sunday night and all day Monday. I had a doctors appointment Tuesday... he checked me and I was 4cm dilated, 80 % effaced, and the baby was almost at 0 station. He went ahead and stripped my membranes and sent me home. After I got home I walked, and walked, and walked some more. At about 8 o'clock my contractions were coming pretty steady.  They still weren't intensifying and were only lasting about 30 seconds though. At midnight they started getting a little stronger so I started debating on calling my mom to come watch the kids.... I waited about an hour and then they started slowing down and I fell asleep. I really think that my anxiety over not having child care when it was time was causing my labor to stall.  My mom was at least an hour and a half away. In hindsight we could have taken the kids to the hospital until she got there but that would have left me alone so I didn't consider it.  I woke up at 6:15 to get the kids ready for school... I was still contracting but again nothing strong and nothing consistant. I told Scott not to go to work because I was afraid of my labor hitting hard and fast and him not making it home in time. At 11:00 I decided to call my doctor to see what he thought. He told me to come into the office so he could check me and see what, if anything was going on. We went straight over and found that I was now 5cm and the baby was at 0 station.  He sent me over to the hospital to be monitored. I had to go back by the house to get my bags then we got checked in at 12:30. My doctor came in at 12:45 and said he didn't think it would be wise to let me go home so he suggested we break my water to get things moving along... I agreed. Scott and I then started walking around the hospital. At 1:45 my doctor checked me and I was 6cm... my contraction still weren't painful at all so we walked some more. It was really nice.  We went to the cafeteria to get Scott some lunch.   At 3 my contractions started getting more uncomfortable.  We called to make sure my mom got the kids got off of the bus okay then headed back to the room. At 3:15 I got in the whirlpool. I was half afraid not walking would slow my labor down but I really wanted the opportunity to use the bath this time... with Jacob and Summer I didn't have time.

While in the tub it got to where I couldn't talk or listen though a contraction.  At about 4 I had two really painful ones. I started to feel a little nausious and told Scott to call for my nurse. I had two more before I could get to the bed. I could handle them okay while I was standing but when I had one lying down, when she was getting ready to check me, I thought I was going to DIE! I was thinking I was probably just now hitting transitions and I was going to be about 8cm... I was complete with a little anterior lip. The nurses all rushed out to call my doctor.  When the next contraction hit I told Scott to tell them I was pushing and I couldn't stop! He hesitated for a second not wanting to leave me then ran out told them and ran back. As he came back in the baby started to crown... I had rolled over onto my left side and was birting my baby all by myself!  I reached down with the next contraction and supported his head as I pushed.  The nurses came in when the head was about half out. Once I delivered the head one of the nurses reached in to do something... I'm not quite sure what but then the next contraction came and she back off as I pushed him the rest of the way out... as soon as I started pushing that time we noticed the cord was wrapped loosely around his neck so as he came out I held his head and shoulders in my left hand, let his body slip onto the bed and removed the cord with my right.

Ronan was born on August 29th at 4:18 into his mommy's loving hands... how awesome is that! He was 3 weeks and 2 days early, weighed 5lbs 14.5 oz and was 19 inches long! It was absolutely amazing!

The nurses just handed me blankets to dry and stimulate him with... he cryed right away.  They offered for me to suction him but I was afraid of being to timid to get him cleared out good and he sounded a little gooky.. so the nurse did it while I held him. We waited a good 5 minutes or so for the cord to stop pulsing before they clamped it and Scott cut it.

My doctor arrived at a little after 4:30.

They still ended up taking him for a few minutes before giving him back to nurse. My original plan wasn't specific on this... I didn't ask then for the delay in eye drops either.  While I ate dinner they took him to the nursery, got him clean up, weighed, and measured then brought him right back. Then it went downhill a little. They were packed that night so they said I would be staying in my labor room instead of a recovery room. At about 3 in the morning they came in and said they needed my room. I would be moving to a semiprivate room and Scott would not be allowed to stay with me. I was heart broken. I didn't want to stay alone so Scott went back to our house with the big kids and my mom came up to the hospital. He came back at about 8.  Our pediatrician ended up delaying our departure a little but we were home for dinner!

My pregnancy with Raiden was very stressful. The economy went in the toilet. They took away Scotts OT and we started getting nervous about him getting laid off. He ended up getting a job in WV... The town he grew up in. We put the house up for sale. He started July 13th... I wasn't due until September 13th. We decided the kids and I would stay in KY until the house sold or the baby was born which ever came first. Scott stayed at his Grandmas house in town that no one lived in. July 23rd after my drs appointment the kids and I went to visit. We got a call that day that we got and offer on our house. We went house hunting when we got there and found one perfect for our family. God is good.  Our closings were set tentatively for August 24th and 30th. School was starting in WV on the 24th so they would miss the first day or two. Now where was I going to give birth????!!! I NEEDED to have this baby by the 22nd. I prayed.  I desperately tried to convince my doctor, if my cervix was favorable to break my water, if I hadn't gone on my own by then! At my appointment on the 17th I was 3cm and 50% effaced. He scheduled me to come back in on Friday, he would strip my membranes but it was too early to break my water. I prayed some more.

Tuesday was pretty hectic. The kids had dentist appts at 8am then I had to take them to the health department to get TB test for school in WV. Ronan wasn't feeling good so I packed him around the whole time.

Wednesday was delivery day. As soon as I got up I ran to Sav A Lot for a few neccesities. The closing on our house had gotten moved up so I thought I might be in Winchester another week.

When Ronan went down for his nap I let Joshua sit with him while I took Jacob and Summer to Walmart for some things for the house.

After Ronan woke up we all went to The Childrens Place to get new jackets and a few new school clothes. Ronan still wasn't feeling good so eventhough I brought the stroller in, I still had to pack him. We also ran to Old Navy, and we had to stop back by Walmart for something I had forgotten earlier.

When we were leaving there I got a call from my realtor that I needed to stop by and sign the new contract. I signed it at 4:55pm. The office is next to a health foods store so I stopped in to pick up a couple of things that might help get things going. I needed a substitute since Scott wasn't in town and I couldn't take advantage of his prostaglandins!! Lol. Evening primrose is suppose to do the same thing and Red Raspberry Leaf Tea is suppose to help strengthen Braxton Hicks. I was talking to Scott on the way home and told him that maybe it was a good thing the closing got postponed because I didn't think I was going to go into labor by Sat and at least I'd still have a house to stay in. I said "I'm just not feeling it". But God always has his own plan, maybe I just needed to stop stressing about it.

When we got home I laid on the couch and Ronan was wallering all over me whining. It felt like he was running a fever so I gave him some Tylenol. Then he cuddled up on my belly. I was on the phone with Scott and I had a contraction. It was stronger than any of the others I had had thus far and I felt it "lower". I couldn't even follow the conversation we were having. This was at about 5:45. It seemed I bought those herbs for nothing!

I let Scott go and told him I was going to take a bath. I had another contraction then my stomach just started feeling taught and my lower back was aching. I called my sis at 6:24. She was going into work and I just wanted to let her know that I thought I might be going into labor. Called Scott at 6:36.

I updated FB at around 6:40 then got in the tub. It did help my back and let my uterus relax, then I started having regular contractions. At 6:53 I txt'd my babysitter and asked her if she could come stay the night with me just in case. She said she was eating dinner with her fam and then she would be over. I txt'd my sis at 7 and told her I had had 3 contractions since I had been in the tub and that I was going to try going for a walk. Usually if you're in false labor walking will make the contraction stop. If it's real labor it will intensify them. I called Scott back at 7:19. I had a couple of more in the tub then got out.

I got dressed in my labor clothes I had bought. It consisted of a black cotton skirt and a black nursing, sleep bra with a turquoise tank over it. I hate it that I didn't get a pic:( I put some make up on just in case. I think at this point I knew but wasn't admitting it to myself yet. I txt'd my sis again at 7:24.  I told her I was going for my walk and not to worry about me, my babysitter was on her way. Called Scott at 7:29 told him I was going to let my phone charge while I walked. As I walked the contractions just kept coming.

I called my babysitter at around 8 from the kids phone to see what was keeping her and to tell her I thought tonight was going to be the night. She proceeded to tell me that she was STILL eating and that her car had been overheating. I'm thinking to myself "so grab a gallon of water and come on!". Or find some other way to get here. I told her that she knew my labors didn't take long so she needed to let me know if she wasn't coming! I walked a bit more, stopped and talked to a neighbor, then decided I needed to make other arrangements.

My neighbor across the street is a nurse at the hospital I was going to be delivering at(not a labor nurse but a nurse). Summer plays with her little girl. She's lived there for years. We've always been neighborly and I thought maybe I could count on her in a pinch. At almost 8:30 I knocked on her door and asked if her teenage daughter could come stay the night with my kids. She asked how I planned to get to the hospital and I said I guess I'll drive myself or call a cab. She pretty much said over her dead body. That she would take me and stay with me. I said Thank you!

At 8:35 I txt'd my sis and told her these contractions weren't going away. That I was going to try and sit for an hour and time them. I tried but I couldn't sit. They were coming pretty much one right after another. At 8:46 she told me I should call the dr. I was like, not yet, I don't want to get there too soon!

At 8:52 My babysitter txt'd me to tell me she couldn't make it!!

At 9:01 I told my sis I was going to call the dr because they were coming so fast. Ironically I called my neighbor at 9:11. Scott called at 9:15 I told him we were about to leave. At 9:17 we left for the hospital. It's less than a 10 minute drive and I had 4 or 5 contractions on the way. The admitting lady asked how close together they were and I said about two minutes and my friend said "If that!!!"

I opted to not wear a hospital gown and stayed in my labor clothes. The nurse checked me and put the monitors on me just long enough to record a couple of contractions and Raidens heart rate through them. I was 4-5cm and 100% effaced. This was at about 10. I updated Scott and my sis. Then she gave me a hep lock just in case I needed pitocin afterwards.

My dr wanted to be called when I was 7-8 since he missed it last time. We ran me a bath in the whirlpool tub. I asked the nurse to check me before I got in. I was 7cm. I had been drinking apple juice and got sick. This was at almost 10:30. I got in the tub and it was heaven. Any tension that I had between contractions melted away. I updated Scott, my sis and FB!

I'm not sure how long it took for Dr. P to get there but he and the nurses waited outside the room for me to get out of the tub when I was ready. I started feeling a little bit of pressure so I got out. The nurse chk'd me and listened to Raiden through a contraction just by holding the lead to my belly. No belts. I was 9cm. Dr. P broke my water. Then everyone left me to labor and push at my own pace. Except my friend of course.

It was 10:53 at this point. I called Scott and put him on speaker phone. With each contraction I would bear down just a little to try and get him to come down. I tried kneeling in the bed through a few but it was too uncomfortable and not working for me. I decided to get back out of the bed.

After a few contraction standing I began to feel a great deal more pressure and got back in the bed. I sat semi reclined resting on my left elbow. With the next contraction I grabbed my right ankle and the urge to GET THIS BABY OUT came over me! I told Scott he was almost here. My friend asked if she should get the dr and I shook my head yes as the next contraction overwhelmed any control that I had and I pushed Raidens head out. At that moment Dr. P and the nurses entered the room. One more push and Happy Birthday Raiden!!! Unfortunately they felt the needed to check him out quickly so I didn't get to cut the cord. Turns out there were no complications. Apparently the sight of poop really freaked my doctor out though! You'd think he'd be use to it!

I nursed him, then my friend went with him to the nursery for a few. We met back in my recovery room. She stayed until 1 or 2, then she needed to get some rest before her 7am shift. I didn't really like it but I was more prepared to be by myself this time and dealt with it. Raiden roomed in of course. Scott had to go into work so he didn't get to leave for his 8 hour drive until 3 or 4. His dad was driving him.  I wasn't happy he wouldn't call in but he was worried about being a new employee. My mom and dad got to my house fairly early to relieve my friends daughter. They all came up to the hosp for a bit then my mom took the younger three home. My dad stayed until after dinner then he left and Joshua stay with me. Scott finally got there at about midnight. Our pediatrician was adamant that we had to stay at least 24 hours and since they wouldn't discharge me at night I had to stay a 2nd night. At a little after midnight they came and got him and said they needed to get his vitals. I dosed off after a bit... hours later he still wasn't back. I was very upset. I sent Scott to find out what was going on. They said they were waiting to get his hearing test. I was experiencing separation anxiety all over again and was sobbing. In the morning we had to wait on our pediatrician once again so we didn't get out of there until noon.

When I first got pregnant this time, I thought I would try a CNM in a hospital. I thought we would have these nice long appointments where we would get to know each other on a more personal level. This was not the case. I felt like I was just going to a female ob. I started getting nervous about what my experience would be like at this hospital. Afterall, I was at a VERY supportive hospital before and still had to deal with things not going my way. I asked Scott what he thought about doing a homebirth this time. He said he thought I was crazy. Then I had him watch Ricki Lake's documentary, The Business of Being Born. It completely changed his view. I think he'd be more afraid of taking me to the hospital at this point! I have found a wonderful midwife that spent 3 hours with me at our initial consultation. I am so exited to have an intimate labor with Scott in the comfort of our own home. To not have to get out of my nice warm tub to birth my baby. The only real pain I felt when in labor with Raiden was when I was being checked and when they were breaking my water. I may not have my midwife check me at all this time and we plan to let my water break on it's own.  Hopefully I can achieve a true pain free birth! The waves of labor are not painful if you give in to them and do not fear them. Gods design is perfect if it is respected!

Thank goodness I'm not fertile!

I've always had irregular periods. When I was 18 I went to the dr because I had been experiencing some pain. They did an ultrasound and some blood work. I came back in for my follow up and was told I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  I would probably be infertile. We weren't really ready to have kids yet but, being a young newlywed this news devastated me. We had only been married 6 months.  I decided to go off of birth control and put it in fates(Gods) hands. If I was going to have trouble getting pregnant, I didn't want to miss any opportunities. I wanted to be a mom someday more than anything. Two years went by. I maybe had 5 periods in that time. Scott and I started talking about other options for starting a family. I had been feeling like I was going to start for a couple of weeks.  My sister suggested I take a pregnancy test. I did and it was positive!

After Joshua was born, we again decided not to use any birth control. When his 2nd birthday started getting close, I began to think that getting pregnant the 1st time was a fluke.  Maybe I was going to need help this time. I made an appointment with an ob/gyn to discuss trying clomid. Again, I started feeling like I was having  prolonged PMS.  I decided to take a test... POSITIVE!!!

I had to call the drs office and change it from a consult to a prenatal visit.  I don't know what happened with Summer. I nursed Jacob for 4 months, then BAM! I was pregnant again!

No period or anything. In November of 2004 when Summer was 2 we decided to really start trying again. Unfortunately in January we had some major family issues so we pushed off going to the dr. Although we still weren't doing anything to prevent getting pregnant. January of 2006 I took my first round of clomid. We did 3 rounds with no luck. My dr then sent me to a fertility specialist. We did 3 more rounds. The dosage on the last one really messed with me. I had visual disturbances and all kinds of weird side effects. Not to mention the mood swings and hot flashes. Between the stress of it all and the meds me and Scott almost didn't make it. I felt like no one understood. That because I already had 3 kids, I should be happy and it shouldn't bother me if I couldn't have another. After all there were people out there who didn't, couldn't have any. I felt a little selfish in a way. But at the same time there was this drive in me that said I wasn't done yet. If a pro sports player gets injured and can't play anymore, should he be any less devastated because he got to play for a while? But he wasn't ready to retire! That's the best way I can describe it. In August Scott and I really started having problems. But lucky for me my hubby loves me very much and did everything to make it work. I'll have to admit I had thrown in the towel. There were other factors other than my fertility issues. I think that just made things worse. Made me emotionally unstable. It ended up being a good thing. We laid everything out on the table and have been closer every since. By the end of the year we had ironed out all the wrinkles... More on that later.  I went to the dr in January. He decided to do a laparoscopy to see if there were any physical reasons I wasn't getting pregnant. I had a blood pregnancy test on Tuesday and surgery on Friday. Everything looked fine. In February I found out I was pregnant again!

God knew when we were ready... When we had just started this new chapter in our marriage.  I was actually about 4 weeks when i had the surgery. The egg must have implanted between Tuesday and Friday. God is good. I nursed Ronan for eleven months. I still didn't feel like I was done. There are 5 years between him and Summer and I wanted just one more so that he could have a sibling close in age. Or at least that's the excuse I tell myself. In October I started feeling like maybe I was getting another kidney stone so I went to my urologist and got a CT scan. He said it looked like my uterus might be a little enlarged and that I may have an ovarian cyst. So I went to my gyno and got an ultrasound. Other than my polycystic ovaries that we already knew about everything looked fine once again. I still hadn't had a period since Ronan was born so he went ahead and gave me something to make me start. We also talked about me getting pregnant again. He said that if i wanted to we could try clomid again. I was torn because if we were going to have another i wanted it to happen soon before the age gap got too big. It was November 12th when I finally started. I was suppose to go back to the dr in December for my annual but couldn't make up my mind about the clomid so I canceled. I didn't think I could go through that again. Clomid is hell! New years eve I had some cramping on my left side and then on new years day I had some spotting. I thought I was starting but when there was nothing the next day I thought maybe I had ovulated and of course Scott and I had rang in the new year! I went to Bunco Friday night and had a couple of beers( oops)! That night I had a dream about taking a test but the stick didn't work. I didn't think too much about it and went to Louisville Saturday. On the way home Sunday I was cramping a little and rubbed my belly. I was pretty sure I could feel a little bump. (I found out the same way with Summer) I came home and went straight to the bathroom. I always have tests around. Scott was giving Ronan a bath in our bathroom so I grabbed a test off the shelf and told Scott I was going to take it. It immediately came up positive!

Raiden was born 10 days before Ronans 2nd birthday.  He nursed for 12 1/2 months. We thought at first he'd be our last but had started thinking about another. My niece had relapsed with Leukemia in January so it really didn't seem like a good time. Of course we still weren't preventing.  Between losing one niece in 96, the events of 05, and her illness, I had seriously started doubting God. My SILs  faith remained strong though. Through her caring bridge posts and conversations, my own faith was restored. My niece passed in July but I did not question His wisdom.  Three days later, my aunt passed.. I still didn't waiver.  I was having some cramping on August 27th. I took a test but it was negative.  Raiden quit nursing on his own September 1st.  On labor day Joshua made a comment about me looking poochy... I thought either I'm about to start.... Which I hadn't since Raidens birth, or I am pregnant. That evening, after we got home from a cookout, I took another test. Our sixth blessing is on it's way! I'm due May 18.

Mark 10:27 (NIV)
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."