Wednesday, November 25, 2015

My Miscarriage Story - Part 6

This is my miscarriage story, but it starts many months before our baby passed away... I'm posting it as series in case someone just wants to read part.

Part 1 - Trying to Conceive
Part 2 - Pregnancy
Part 3 - The Decision- Natural or D&C
Part 4 - Limbo
Part 5 - The Process
Part 6 - The Burial and After (contains pictures of miscarried baby)

Part 6 - The Burial and After

After I let it soak in a few minutes, I called Scott into the room. We took pictures. We're pretty sure the baby had some kind of neural tube defect that caused his head to be more fragile, so we don't have pictures of his face. We prepared him in a little wooden box for the burial in our flower garden. Then let the kids come in, told them the baby had come out, and let them see the pictures.

We named our baby Baby Dani. Short for Daniel Ray if he was a boy and Danielle Rose if he was a girl. We waited until the next day to bury him. My mother in law sent me a beautiful Angel statuette. We had already gotten a little memorial statue for the grave. Later that evening my friend Sarah brought me sweets from her sisters bakery that she works at. Like I said... I'm blessed.

I spent that whole day writing Baby Dani's story. I couldn't bring myself to tell everyone about his death before I was able to tell more about his life. It was very short... only 59 days from conception and probably about 45 days that he had his own blood cells. His heart was beating for at least 31 days. There is all kinds of controversy over when life begins and I have no urge to debate it. The only authority I have found on the subject is found in Leviticus 17:11... "For the life of the flesh is in the blood..." The only thing I know for sure, is that my baby was alive inside my womb until he wasn't.

1 Samuel 1:27-28New International Version (NIV)

27 I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” And he worshiped the Lord there.

I had to give Baby Dani to the Lord in a different way than Hannah did, but I know I will get to see him again. I don't know for sure what Heaven will be like, but I'd like to think that people like me, who love having babies, will get to be pregnant there. That I will still get to feel Baby Dani's 1st kick inside my womb. But there will never be any pain or sadness for him.

I don't know when the numbness will ended. How long to grieve.  I know I am comforted in my Father's arms and that in time I will think about it less and less... but I will never forget our baby.

1 comment:

  1. This was such a beautiful story Julie. And so sad. I just want to say you grieve as long as you want. McKenlee passed away 11 years ago and I still grieve. It is something we as mothers will never "get over" and we shouldn't have to. Our babies are a part of us and when they are no longer with us there is a part of us no longer there. And that's ok to grieve that forever.