Thank goodness I'm not fertile!

I've always had irregular periods. When I was 18 I went to the dr because I had been experiencing some pain. They did an ultrasound and some blood work. I came back in for my follow up and was told I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  I would probably be infertile. We weren't really ready to have kids yet but, being a young newlywed this news devastated me. We had only been married 6 months.  I decided to go off of birth control and put it in fates(Gods) hands. If I was going to have trouble getting pregnant, I didn't want to miss any opportunities. I wanted to be a mom someday more than anything. Two years went by. I maybe had 5 periods in that time. Scott and I started talking about other options for starting a family. I had been feeling like I was going to start for a couple of weeks.  My sister suggested I take a pregnancy test. I did and it was positive!

After Joshua was born, we again decided not to use any birth control. When his 2nd birthday started getting close, I began to think that getting pregnant the 1st time was a fluke.  Maybe I was going to need help this time. I made an appointment with an ob/gyn to discuss trying clomid. Again, I started feeling like I was having  prolonged PMS.  I decided to take a test... POSITIVE!!!

I had to call the drs office and change it from a consult to a prenatal visit.  I don't know what happened with Summer. I nursed Jacob for 4 months, then BAM! I was pregnant again!

No period or anything. In November of 2004 when Summer was 2 we decided to really start trying again. Unfortunately in January we had some major family issues so we pushed off going to the dr. Although we still weren't doing anything to prevent getting pregnant. January of 2006 I took my first round of clomid. We did 3 rounds with no luck. My dr then sent me to a fertility specialist. We did 3 more rounds. The dosage on the last one really messed with me. I had visual disturbances and all kinds of weird side effects. Not to mention the mood swings and hot flashes. Between the stress of it all and the meds me and Scott almost didn't make it. I felt like no one understood. That because I already had 3 kids, I should be happy and it shouldn't bother me if I couldn't have another. After all there were people out there who didn't, couldn't have any. I felt a little selfish in a way. But at the same time there was this drive in me that said I wasn't done yet. If a pro sports player gets injured and can't play anymore, should he be any less devastated because he got to play for a while? But he wasn't ready to retire! That's the best way I can describe it. In August Scott and I really started having problems. But lucky for me my hubby loves me very much and did everything to make it work. I'll have to admit I had thrown in the towel. There were other factors other than my fertility issues. I think that just made things worse. Made me emotionally unstable. It ended up being a good thing. We laid everything out on the table and have been closer every since. By the end of the year we had ironed out all the wrinkles... More on that later.  I went to the dr in January. He decided to do a laparoscopy to see if there were any physical reasons I wasn't getting pregnant. I had a blood pregnancy test on Tuesday and surgery on Friday. Everything looked fine. In February I found out I was pregnant again!

God knew when we were ready... When we had just started this new chapter in our marriage.  I was actually about 4 weeks when i had the surgery. The egg must have implanted between Tuesday and Friday. God is good. I nursed Ronan for eleven months. I still didn't feel like I was done. There are 5 years between him and Summer and I wanted just one more so that he could have a sibling close in age. Or at least that's the excuse I tell myself. In October I started feeling like maybe I was getting another kidney stone so I went to my urologist and got a CT scan. He said it looked like my uterus might be a little enlarged and that I may have an ovarian cyst. So I went to my gyno and got an ultrasound. Other than my polycystic ovaries that we already knew about everything looked fine once again. I still hadn't had a period since Ronan was born so he went ahead and gave me something to make me start. We also talked about me getting pregnant again. He said that if i wanted to we could try clomid again. I was torn because if we were going to have another i wanted it to happen soon before the age gap got too big. It was November 12th when I finally started. I was suppose to go back to the dr in December for my annual but couldn't make up my mind about the clomid so I canceled. I didn't think I could go through that again. Clomid is hell! New years eve I had some cramping on my left side and then on new years day I had some spotting. I thought I was starting but when there was nothing the next day I thought maybe I had ovulated and of course Scott and I had rang in the new year! I went to Bunco Friday night and had a couple of beers( oops)! That night I had a dream about taking a test but the stick didn't work. I didn't think too much about it and went to Louisville Saturday. On the way home Sunday I was cramping a little and rubbed my belly. I was pretty sure I could feel a little bump. (I found out the same way with Summer) I came home and went straight to the bathroom. I always have tests around. Scott was giving Ronan a bath in our bathroom so I grabbed a test off the shelf and told Scott I was going to take it. It immediately came up positive!

Raiden was born 10 days before Ronans 2nd birthday.  He nursed for 12 1/2 months. We thought at first he'd be our last but had started thinking about another. My niece had relapsed with Leukemia in January so it really didn't seem like a good time. Of course we still weren't preventing.  Between losing one niece in 96, the events of 05, and her illness, I had seriously started doubting God. My SILs  faith remained strong though. Through her caring bridge posts and conversations, my own faith was restored. My niece passed in July but I did not question His wisdom.  Three days later, my aunt passed.. I still didn't waiver.  I was having some cramping on August 27th. I took a test but it was negative.  Raiden quit nursing on his own September 1st.  On labor day Joshua made a comment about me looking poochy... I thought either I'm about to start.... Which I hadn't since Raidens birth, or I am pregnant. That evening, after we got home from a cookout, I took another test. Our sixth blessing is on it's way! I'm due May 18.

Mark 10:27 (NIV)
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."