In my post My Journey to Attachment Parenting http://everevolvingeve.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-journey-to-attachment-parenting.html , I talked about how the sleeping arrangements are always changing at my house. This happens when everybody isn't getting the best sleep, we find what works better for this stage of that child development. When I left off we had just moved Ronan into Jacob old room. Sometimes he would sleep in there and other times he would end up in the big boys bed. The PS3 is in Ronans room and Joshua has started playing online with his friends. He gets to stay up until 10, an hour after Jacob and Summer. So a lot of times Jacob would get Ronan to come to bed with him. This would be fine except a) It would keep the boys from being able to make their bed in the morning or b) they would end up waking him up. So we decided to put an extra mattress in the floor in our bedroom. The other night he decided to get into our bed. I told Scott I didn't think it was a good idea because there wouldn't be room once the baby gets here. I was afraid it would become a habit and then he would resent the baby for kicking him out of mommy and daddys bed! Scott insisted it wouldn't be a problem. Ronan kicks a lot so Scott slept in the middle to "protect" me. I ended up with very little bed. This in itself was a problem for me being pregnant. I have to sleep on my side and I use my top knee like a kick stand to prop me up. I didn't have room to do this. Then I woke up with no covers and Ronan was laying on top of them so I couldn't just pull them back over! The next day I began to contemplate a solution. I decided it would be best if Scott slept in Ronans bed with him. He gets the security he's seeking. Then when the new baby gets here we will have plenty of room!
Tonight Ronan jumped up in the bed with me. I told him he needed to get in his bed with Daddy. He said, "but I love you!" I was like Awe! Go get your pillow and blankie! He ended up laying back down with Scott. I guess he just needed to know I would let him if he really wanted to.
I know some people wouldn't agree, but it works for us. With Joshua, he ended up in the back in the bed with us after his crib. At one point we had a full size bed and a twin bumped up together. Scott and Joshua on the big bed, me on the twin! We transitioned him back to his own space when he turned 5 no problem. Well, with Jacob!
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Child-led Potty training... Mostly!
I usually try to start potty training at around 21 months. Since this baby is due when Raiden is 21 months, I've decided to do a trial run now, at 18 months. If we find he's completely not ready, we'll put everything away and wait until a while after the baby is born. We'll probably have to wait until after he turns two like we did Ronan.
First I'll tell you my method, then my experiences so far. I don't use pull ups. For at least the first two weeks we completely focus on training. We don't leave the house. We don't wear any bottoms. We put nothing but potty training videos on TV. We put away all the toys and books except potty training ones. We keep all the bedroom doors shut.
The week before the official start I take the potty out just for them to play on. When I go, I'll carry it in the bathroom and tell them that their potty and explain what I'm doing.
The morning of the Big Day, we will take the diaper off and bid it farewell. We will do the same thing with our potty training doll. Then we will sit her(the doll) on the potty and give her a drink. After she pees we will celebrate. Then dump the little pot in the big pot, flush and wave goodbye. Then we get to wash our hands and the dolls.
I'll put on a video, and watch for signs. Boys are easier for reasons obvious to anyone who has ever seen a little boy naked that needs to pee! I don't make them sit though. I wait for them to start to go. Then I say, "you are going pee pee, pee pee goes in the potty" it usually startles them a bit and they stop. I grab them up sit them on the pot and pray they finish on it. We read a book while they sit. If they do, we do the same thing we did with the doll. If they don't finish but sit for the book, they still get lots of praise. If they don't want to sit, I let them up and we repeat with the doll. We make a huge deal about it when she pees in the pot. I nonchalantly clean up any pee of the floor(thank goodness for laminate). I basically do the same thing with grunting. If they get poop on the floor, I'll pick it up with TP, put it 1st in the little pot. We'll take in to the big pot together, dump, flush, wash.
If after a few days, if they haven't went at least once on their own. I put them back in diapers and put everything away.
Joshua was my first. We started with him at 22 months at about 9 in the morning. He had multiple pee accidents throughout the day, but held his poo. At 9 that evening, I was just about to put a bedtime diaper on. He ran over to his little potty, pooped then pee'd! By the end of the 1st week, he was going on his own with minimal pee accidents and no poop accidents. He also started staying dry through his naps so we stopped the naptime dipe. By the end of the 2nd week he was trained at night too. He was not in a crib at this point though. He did still have an occasional accident at home but never when we were out!
For Jacobs second Christmas he got potty supplies. He was 21 months. We started the 1st of the year. It took about three days before going on his own but he was having fun learning. He also ended up begin a longterm bed wetter so he stayed in diaper through naps and bedtime. The biggest problem we had with him was he didn't want to poop on the pot, he would go on the floor and then play in it! He wouldn't go in his pants though if we were out. Then right before he turned two, we left them with my mom for the weekend of our anniversary. She put him in pull ups and he completely reverted. After a week I decided we would have to start from scratch. We put him back in diapers, hid the potty and didn't mention it again for one month. He caught back on pretty quick but we still had poo problems until I decided to try training him to the big potty. He started doing the funniest thing on his own. He would squat with his feet on the toilet seat! Whatever... At least he wasn't playing in it.
I started Summer the 1st of January the following year. She was 20 months. She did great, just like Joshua. She stayed in diapers at night until she was out of her crib at 2 1/2, but woke up dry most of the time.
Ronan completely threw me for a loop. I was pregnant and we were putting our house on the market. He was 21 months. From the very first day he refused to sit on his potty. He would hold it until he couldn't anymore then he would let just enough dribble out to relieve the pressure. When he had to poop he stood clenching his cheeks and cried. The next day he went back in diapers and I packed everything away. We decided to wait until after the baby and after the move. The baby came 10 days before his 2nd birthday and we got into the new house at 25 months. We had a lot of work to do though, then it was almost Christmas and we were going out of town.
So once again, we started shortly after the new year. He was 29 months. And he was still defiant, for the first time I resorted to bribery, smarties. It didn't help. I decided my my tried and true method wasn't fool proof. I had to try something new.
Once he dribbled I sat him on his little potty and hugged him around his neck while he cryed. It only lasted a minute then he calmed enough for me to read him a book. I didn't let him up until he pee'd. I felt sooo mean but I had to show him 1) it was okay 2) it wasn't scary and 3) this is how it was going to be. After a few days he caught on but was constipating himself. He finally went... Standing over his little pot. Another quirky pooper!
He did fine for a while. Then Raiden got mobile and started get into the potty if I didn't get to it quick enough and Ronan started playing in it too. I know... Gross! So it was time to train him to the big pot. He was almost three. We had a problem because he stood to poo. He was not happy and started peeing everywhere. I started setting a timer and made him go once an hour. At first I had to take him in, then after a few days, I could just tell him and he would go. He started sitting to poo thank goodness. After a week or so I could stop reminding him and he was completely trained except for sleep times.
Shortly after his 3rd birthday he stopped taking naps. In November when we switched to cloth diapers with Raiden, I got cloth training pants for nighttime. He was 3yrs 3 months. Within a few days he was nighttime trained!
Hopefully Raiden responds to the child led training and Ronan will be my only exception. And hopefully he'll train now instead of having to fool with it with a baby in the house! Fingers crossed!
All my videos were VHS, which I no longer have. With Ronan I found my favorites, It's Potty Time, Once Upon a Potty, and Bear in the Big Blue House Potty time, on YouTube. They've all been removed due to copywrite. I went on Amazon today and order those on DVD, some new ones, some books, and some gift sets. He'll be 18 months on the 19th. He has a drs appointment that week so hopefully we can get started by March 1st. I'll be 29 weeks. If he doesn't end up being ready at least it'll be a distraction for me for a while!
First I'll tell you my method, then my experiences so far. I don't use pull ups. For at least the first two weeks we completely focus on training. We don't leave the house. We don't wear any bottoms. We put nothing but potty training videos on TV. We put away all the toys and books except potty training ones. We keep all the bedroom doors shut.
The week before the official start I take the potty out just for them to play on. When I go, I'll carry it in the bathroom and tell them that their potty and explain what I'm doing.
The morning of the Big Day, we will take the diaper off and bid it farewell. We will do the same thing with our potty training doll. Then we will sit her(the doll) on the potty and give her a drink. After she pees we will celebrate. Then dump the little pot in the big pot, flush and wave goodbye. Then we get to wash our hands and the dolls.
I'll put on a video, and watch for signs. Boys are easier for reasons obvious to anyone who has ever seen a little boy naked that needs to pee! I don't make them sit though. I wait for them to start to go. Then I say, "you are going pee pee, pee pee goes in the potty" it usually startles them a bit and they stop. I grab them up sit them on the pot and pray they finish on it. We read a book while they sit. If they do, we do the same thing we did with the doll. If they don't finish but sit for the book, they still get lots of praise. If they don't want to sit, I let them up and we repeat with the doll. We make a huge deal about it when she pees in the pot. I nonchalantly clean up any pee of the floor(thank goodness for laminate). I basically do the same thing with grunting. If they get poop on the floor, I'll pick it up with TP, put it 1st in the little pot. We'll take in to the big pot together, dump, flush, wash.
If after a few days, if they haven't went at least once on their own. I put them back in diapers and put everything away.
Joshua was my first. We started with him at 22 months at about 9 in the morning. He had multiple pee accidents throughout the day, but held his poo. At 9 that evening, I was just about to put a bedtime diaper on. He ran over to his little potty, pooped then pee'd! By the end of the 1st week, he was going on his own with minimal pee accidents and no poop accidents. He also started staying dry through his naps so we stopped the naptime dipe. By the end of the 2nd week he was trained at night too. He was not in a crib at this point though. He did still have an occasional accident at home but never when we were out!
For Jacobs second Christmas he got potty supplies. He was 21 months. We started the 1st of the year. It took about three days before going on his own but he was having fun learning. He also ended up begin a longterm bed wetter so he stayed in diaper through naps and bedtime. The biggest problem we had with him was he didn't want to poop on the pot, he would go on the floor and then play in it! He wouldn't go in his pants though if we were out. Then right before he turned two, we left them with my mom for the weekend of our anniversary. She put him in pull ups and he completely reverted. After a week I decided we would have to start from scratch. We put him back in diapers, hid the potty and didn't mention it again for one month. He caught back on pretty quick but we still had poo problems until I decided to try training him to the big potty. He started doing the funniest thing on his own. He would squat with his feet on the toilet seat! Whatever... At least he wasn't playing in it.
I started Summer the 1st of January the following year. She was 20 months. She did great, just like Joshua. She stayed in diapers at night until she was out of her crib at 2 1/2, but woke up dry most of the time.
Ronan completely threw me for a loop. I was pregnant and we were putting our house on the market. He was 21 months. From the very first day he refused to sit on his potty. He would hold it until he couldn't anymore then he would let just enough dribble out to relieve the pressure. When he had to poop he stood clenching his cheeks and cried. The next day he went back in diapers and I packed everything away. We decided to wait until after the baby and after the move. The baby came 10 days before his 2nd birthday and we got into the new house at 25 months. We had a lot of work to do though, then it was almost Christmas and we were going out of town.
So once again, we started shortly after the new year. He was 29 months. And he was still defiant, for the first time I resorted to bribery, smarties. It didn't help. I decided my my tried and true method wasn't fool proof. I had to try something new.
Once he dribbled I sat him on his little potty and hugged him around his neck while he cryed. It only lasted a minute then he calmed enough for me to read him a book. I didn't let him up until he pee'd. I felt sooo mean but I had to show him 1) it was okay 2) it wasn't scary and 3) this is how it was going to be. After a few days he caught on but was constipating himself. He finally went... Standing over his little pot. Another quirky pooper!
He did fine for a while. Then Raiden got mobile and started get into the potty if I didn't get to it quick enough and Ronan started playing in it too. I know... Gross! So it was time to train him to the big pot. He was almost three. We had a problem because he stood to poo. He was not happy and started peeing everywhere. I started setting a timer and made him go once an hour. At first I had to take him in, then after a few days, I could just tell him and he would go. He started sitting to poo thank goodness. After a week or so I could stop reminding him and he was completely trained except for sleep times.
Shortly after his 3rd birthday he stopped taking naps. In November when we switched to cloth diapers with Raiden, I got cloth training pants for nighttime. He was 3yrs 3 months. Within a few days he was nighttime trained!
Hopefully Raiden responds to the child led training and Ronan will be my only exception. And hopefully he'll train now instead of having to fool with it with a baby in the house! Fingers crossed!
All my videos were VHS, which I no longer have. With Ronan I found my favorites, It's Potty Time, Once Upon a Potty, and Bear in the Big Blue House Potty time, on YouTube. They've all been removed due to copywrite. I went on Amazon today and order those on DVD, some new ones, some books, and some gift sets. He'll be 18 months on the 19th. He has a drs appointment that week so hopefully we can get started by March 1st. I'll be 29 weeks. If he doesn't end up being ready at least it'll be a distraction for me for a while!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
How and Why we do it!
Psalms 127 3-5
3 Lo, children are a heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. 4 As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. 5 Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.
But Seriously, why so many? This question has burned me for months now. It came from someone with zero kids! Why is it that others feel to judge someone elses life choices. I don't care how many or few kids someone else has.
This is it, right? Again, why do you care... I don't ask for help from anyone, heck I turn down babysitting offers! Scott and I don't like waisting money on going out. We'd rather spend our weekends playing games and watching movies with our kids. We wouldn't keep having them if we didn't like spending time with them! A date once or twice a year is plenty and my mom can provide that.. She doesn't judge me.
We never really discussed how many kids we wanted. Like I wrote about previously.. Drs told me I would probably be infertile. They said I have Polycystic Ovaries, high LH levels and low FSH levels. Although I'm not overweight, nor do I have diabetes, therefore I don't fit the bill for PCOS. I could probably count the number of periods I've had in my whole life. We decided then I would quit taking birth control... I was 18. Two years later, I got pregnant. I did not enjoy pregnancy or the birth, thought one was enough.
Then I became a SAHM. Joshua was getting big, I got an itch. Just when we thought it wasn't going to... It happened again. Almost exactly two years after I gave birth to Joshua. Still no birth control. I discovered the joy of natural childbirth.
We didn't have time to even think about it before Summer came along. At first I thought I wanted another right away. Then I changed my mind. Said I was done. Got an IUD. That lasted about 3-4 months. Then I changed my mind again!
This time it took 4 years. I knew I wanted just one more. 15 months later I got my wish. Again during the pregnancy I said, This is it, I'm done! Shortly after the birth I began to change my mind again. A year later, yes ,I'm pregnant AGAIN.
So in answer to some of the questions (stole this off the Internet):
Yes, we know how it happens, and we enjoy it very much.
No, we are not Catholic or Amish.
If you think our hands are full, you should see our hearts!
So are we done? Today I say yes. The first half of this pregnancy was horrible. I don't think I can do it again. I've been trying to talk Scott into a vasectomy. He's chicken and doesn't want to. I'm NOT getting my tubes tied, nor will I use hormones to mess with my already messed up hormones. So as of right now, he's not touching me after this baby is born! I think he'll cave on the V. We have 8 chairs at our kitchen table and 8 seats in our van. When this baby starts kindergarden, Joshua will be starting college. I think we are complete!
But I couldn't imagine my life any other way. All seems right in our universe with God at it center. I don't feel overwhelmed. In fact, I was much more stressed when I only had three. We have a great routine, that runs smoothly.
Eventhough we aren't at the peak of our income. We are probably better off financially that ever because we are living inside our means. We've paid off all of our credit cards. We got rid of our satellite bill. We cut our cell bill by $60 a month. We dont have a land line. We started cloth diapering. We haven't used paper plates in over a year. We pay our kids for good grades, make them save some longterm, then throughout the year, if they want something, they have to pay for it out of a shortterm savings... Even a school dance! Like I said earlier, we don't go out waisting money. We budget. They get a certain amount for their birthdays and a certain amount for Christmas. They have plenty, they don't want for anything.
We don't do a lot of organized extra curricular activities. They like gymnastics and tumbling, so we have a trampoline, low bar, tumbling mats, and floor beam. Summer wanted to learn some ballet so she bought herself a tutu, some ballet shoes, and some instructional videos, she uses her gym bar. They have a guitar, keyboard, flutes, and harmonica. I went online and printed sheet music, with notes and guitar tabs. We learned a little together. They like to swim, so we've always had a pool. Except our 1st summer here. Once they can do school sponsored sports, if they want to join, that's fine. Joshua likes playing football on the playground but doesn't want to participate in organized games, that's fine too.
So in answer to the last question everyone has: That's how we do it! As far as why: because we want to and we can; because God let's us!
3 Lo, children are a heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. 4 As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. 5 Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.
But Seriously, why so many? This question has burned me for months now. It came from someone with zero kids! Why is it that others feel to judge someone elses life choices. I don't care how many or few kids someone else has.
This is it, right? Again, why do you care... I don't ask for help from anyone, heck I turn down babysitting offers! Scott and I don't like waisting money on going out. We'd rather spend our weekends playing games and watching movies with our kids. We wouldn't keep having them if we didn't like spending time with them! A date once or twice a year is plenty and my mom can provide that.. She doesn't judge me.
We never really discussed how many kids we wanted. Like I wrote about previously.. Drs told me I would probably be infertile. They said I have Polycystic Ovaries, high LH levels and low FSH levels. Although I'm not overweight, nor do I have diabetes, therefore I don't fit the bill for PCOS. I could probably count the number of periods I've had in my whole life. We decided then I would quit taking birth control... I was 18. Two years later, I got pregnant. I did not enjoy pregnancy or the birth, thought one was enough.
Then I became a SAHM. Joshua was getting big, I got an itch. Just when we thought it wasn't going to... It happened again. Almost exactly two years after I gave birth to Joshua. Still no birth control. I discovered the joy of natural childbirth.
We didn't have time to even think about it before Summer came along. At first I thought I wanted another right away. Then I changed my mind. Said I was done. Got an IUD. That lasted about 3-4 months. Then I changed my mind again!
This time it took 4 years. I knew I wanted just one more. 15 months later I got my wish. Again during the pregnancy I said, This is it, I'm done! Shortly after the birth I began to change my mind again. A year later, yes ,I'm pregnant AGAIN.
So in answer to some of the questions (stole this off the Internet):
Yes, we know how it happens, and we enjoy it very much.
No, we are not Catholic or Amish.
If you think our hands are full, you should see our hearts!
So are we done? Today I say yes. The first half of this pregnancy was horrible. I don't think I can do it again. I've been trying to talk Scott into a vasectomy. He's chicken and doesn't want to. I'm NOT getting my tubes tied, nor will I use hormones to mess with my already messed up hormones. So as of right now, he's not touching me after this baby is born! I think he'll cave on the V. We have 8 chairs at our kitchen table and 8 seats in our van. When this baby starts kindergarden, Joshua will be starting college. I think we are complete!
But I couldn't imagine my life any other way. All seems right in our universe with God at it center. I don't feel overwhelmed. In fact, I was much more stressed when I only had three. We have a great routine, that runs smoothly.
Eventhough we aren't at the peak of our income. We are probably better off financially that ever because we are living inside our means. We've paid off all of our credit cards. We got rid of our satellite bill. We cut our cell bill by $60 a month. We dont have a land line. We started cloth diapering. We haven't used paper plates in over a year. We pay our kids for good grades, make them save some longterm, then throughout the year, if they want something, they have to pay for it out of a shortterm savings... Even a school dance! Like I said earlier, we don't go out waisting money. We budget. They get a certain amount for their birthdays and a certain amount for Christmas. They have plenty, they don't want for anything.
We don't do a lot of organized extra curricular activities. They like gymnastics and tumbling, so we have a trampoline, low bar, tumbling mats, and floor beam. Summer wanted to learn some ballet so she bought herself a tutu, some ballet shoes, and some instructional videos, she uses her gym bar. They have a guitar, keyboard, flutes, and harmonica. I went online and printed sheet music, with notes and guitar tabs. We learned a little together. They like to swim, so we've always had a pool. Except our 1st summer here. Once they can do school sponsored sports, if they want to join, that's fine. Joshua likes playing football on the playground but doesn't want to participate in organized games, that's fine too.
So in answer to the last question everyone has: That's how we do it! As far as why: because we want to and we can; because God let's us!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Adventures in Babywearing
Once again I am using excerpts from an old post... This one was on Myspace about a busy week I wanted to share... I left out some parts. I decided to leave in the part about Babymoon because it did lead to a sling purchase and I just loved the place. Mother Nurture also has played a roll in my life... It's more than just a shop. It's a support place. I learned more about homebirth, extended breastfeeding, and cloth diapering there too. I once stopped in there just to hang out with all my kids and nurse Ronan while waiting to get everybodies hair cut down the road! I'm getting off tract aren't I? Oh yeah... Babywearing.... The start...
Monday I decided to buy a sling carrier because Ronan has hit that 6 week peak fussy time and I can't seem to get anything done! So I went online to buy a peanut shell from Target.com but thought I would try to find one locally so I didn't have to wait for it to be shipped... I found that I could get it at 2 shops in Lexington. I got everybody ready...fed them....fed and changed Ronan.... then got out the door. Unfortunately by the time I got to Lexington both shops had closed! We went to Barnes and Noble and got some books so it wouldn't be a completely wasted trip then went home and put everybody to bed.
Tuesday while the big kids were at school me and Ronan went back to Lexington... we went to a little shop called Mother Nurture... they had all kinds of slings, wraps and carriers that you could try out before you bought. I always thought that the wraps looked too complicated with all that fabric to be worth it... but after trying it on and seeing how cozy and secure Ronan was in it and how comfortable it was for me... I decided to buy a Mobywrap.
I noticed there was a place next door called Baby Moon... during my pregnancy I had come across this place online... they hold all kinds of classes for pregnant and postnatal moms... I would have liked to have done the prenatal yoga or belly dancing classes but I had the other three kids home during the summer while I was pregnant... I had forgotten all about the place until I saw it. I When I got home I went online and took a look at their class schedule and decided I would try out ther mama and baby yoga class that they hold every Wednesday.
So Wednesday me and Ronan went to yoga... it was awesome.... there where probably 10 or 12 mommies and babies there ranging from six weeks to six months.... it wa so laid back... the instructor kept a slow pace and you just chimed in and out as your baby permitted... everybody was either participating in the yoga... nursing... bouncing their baby on an exercise ball.... or whatever they needed to. The first part of the class the focus was more towards the moms and you just laid your baby in front of you... then we did a lttle baby yoga with some infant massage.. then the last part of the class integrated mommy and baby. After class one of the moms stood up and said "Does anyone want to go to lunch".... I was like heck yeah! About eight of us went to Peneras... we sat outside and ate and talked... it was wonderful.... real adult conversation... and there was no need to feel self conscious about BIP... there's strength in numbers! One of the moms was using a New Native sling.. I decided as I ate with one hand, that it would be nice to have one of those for quick trips and unexpected times... so I stopped and got one on my way home. I can't wait until next week... I'm definitely going to sign up for more classes... I'll keep everybody posted!
Friday we went on a walking field trip with Summer's class to the fire department and Dairy Queen... this is actually Ronan's 2nd field trip... we went to the pumkin patch when he was 3 weeks. I decided to go ahead and take the stroller and throw the sling in the diaper bag... but I wish I had just put the Moby Wrap on before I left the house and just used it... having the stoller was a pain in the butt... thank goodness I did have the sling because if I hadn't I would have had to push the stroller one handed on the way from the station to Dairy Queen and then back to school. I was able to nurse using the sling with no problem... although I did feel the need to support his head a little with my arm to keep him at the right level.
Yesterday we took the whole family to a pumkin patch in Georgetown... they have a play ground with huge slides, a castle made of hay, rat races, a big wheel figure eight, and a corn maze. I used the Moby wrap this time... I think I could've nursed in it just fine but he had pooped so I was going to have to take him out anyway... since I had Scott with me I went to the car and nursed in the A/C... he was knocked out afterwards so I decided to lay him in his carseat/carrier and use the stroller.. I knew Scott could push it if I needed him to and I had the sling with me if I wanted to be able to just throw it on real quick.
I bought a Gypsy Mama water wrap for our Hawaii trip when Ronan was 7 months. I also made my own out of sarongs I bought.
I ended up using my wrap the most. I used it everytime we went to Walmart. The sling was good for quickies or nursing discretely. Like when we would go to the dr or a ball game or practice... When I didn't have to do a lot of standing or walking. When he was real little sometimes I would "wear him down" in it. Meaning put him in it at home when he was fussy and walk around or do housework until he fell asleep. Then with it, it is very easy to slip out of, leaving baby in, a lay him down without disturbing him. As he got bigger the Moby was too stretchy to be comfortable for me and it's not supportive enough for back carries. I went back to Mother Nurture of course and got a Mei Tei.. It's an Asian style carrier.
Then I got pregnant and needed something I could do a hip carry in that didn't tie across my waist. This time I got a ring sling. Unlike the pouch new native sling you can adjust the back support in it. I ended up using it the most with Raiden. It does hurt my shoulder after a while though
.
I've decided to get a Gypsy Mama Gauze wrap for this baby. They aren't as stretchy, are lighter weight for the summer, and can be bought in shorter lengths. I've been watching a lot of YouTube videos and they are quite versatile. Happy babywearing
Monday I decided to buy a sling carrier because Ronan has hit that 6 week peak fussy time and I can't seem to get anything done! So I went online to buy a peanut shell from Target.com but thought I would try to find one locally so I didn't have to wait for it to be shipped... I found that I could get it at 2 shops in Lexington. I got everybody ready...fed them....fed and changed Ronan.... then got out the door. Unfortunately by the time I got to Lexington both shops had closed! We went to Barnes and Noble and got some books so it wouldn't be a completely wasted trip then went home and put everybody to bed.
Tuesday while the big kids were at school me and Ronan went back to Lexington... we went to a little shop called Mother Nurture... they had all kinds of slings, wraps and carriers that you could try out before you bought. I always thought that the wraps looked too complicated with all that fabric to be worth it... but after trying it on and seeing how cozy and secure Ronan was in it and how comfortable it was for me... I decided to buy a Mobywrap.
I noticed there was a place next door called Baby Moon... during my pregnancy I had come across this place online... they hold all kinds of classes for pregnant and postnatal moms... I would have liked to have done the prenatal yoga or belly dancing classes but I had the other three kids home during the summer while I was pregnant... I had forgotten all about the place until I saw it. I When I got home I went online and took a look at their class schedule and decided I would try out ther mama and baby yoga class that they hold every Wednesday.
Raiden
Friday we went on a walking field trip with Summer's class to the fire department and Dairy Queen... this is actually Ronan's 2nd field trip... we went to the pumkin patch when he was 3 weeks. I decided to go ahead and take the stroller and throw the sling in the diaper bag... but I wish I had just put the Moby Wrap on before I left the house and just used it... having the stoller was a pain in the butt... thank goodness I did have the sling because if I hadn't I would have had to push the stroller one handed on the way from the station to Dairy Queen and then back to school. I was able to nurse using the sling with no problem... although I did feel the need to support his head a little with my arm to keep him at the right level.
I bought a Gypsy Mama water wrap for our Hawaii trip when Ronan was 7 months. I also made my own out of sarongs I bought.
I ended up using my wrap the most. I used it everytime we went to Walmart. The sling was good for quickies or nursing discretely. Like when we would go to the dr or a ball game or practice... When I didn't have to do a lot of standing or walking. When he was real little sometimes I would "wear him down" in it. Meaning put him in it at home when he was fussy and walk around or do housework until he fell asleep. Then with it, it is very easy to slip out of, leaving baby in, a lay him down without disturbing him. As he got bigger the Moby was too stretchy to be comfortable for me and it's not supportive enough for back carries. I went back to Mother Nurture of course and got a Mei Tei.. It's an Asian style carrier. 
. 
I've decided to get a Gypsy Mama Gauze wrap for this baby. They aren't as stretchy, are lighter weight for the summer, and can be bought in shorter lengths. I've been watching a lot of YouTube videos and they are quite versatile. Happy babywearing
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
To Spank or Not to Spank
This is were i get kicked out of the attachment parenting club. I find that style helpful with babies but not defiant children. I have really struggled with writing this post. The first part is a post I made myself on Cafemom right after Ronan was born. It was hard for me to put it on here without editing it because I actually don't agree with myself on some of it. I had just had an awesome natural birth, on which I was criticized about on Cafemom for allowing my dr to strip my membranes and breaking my water. I was just learning about AP, had read Dr. Sears book. I think I was trying very hard to "fit in" in this online community. I ended up abandoning Cafemom. It turned out to be full of to many extremes for me. With all the Lactavist, intactavist, hardcore APers. Yes, I'm a breastfeeding advocate, but I'm not going to tell another mom she's feeding her baby poison if she chooses formula. Three of my boys are circ'd and one isn't, so I'm definitely not going to accuse someone else of butchering their son! Point is as parents we all do our best with the information we have at the time. This isn't a test, there aren't right and wrong answers. As long as you are loving, and making the choice you feel is best for your family, you can't fail. We should encourage and help one another, not judge and criticize. I was also high on oxytocin when I wrote the original post. I hate to say I'm more nurturing when I'm breastfeeding... But I am. So here it is....
I'm on the fence with this subject... I agree that kids today seem to be much less respectful but it also seems like there are a LOT more parents that still believe in spanking than not... Don't misunderstand me... I am NOT advocating the extreme spanking most of our parents and grandparents used but I think in order for any disipline to work it has to be full on. Back in the day parents didn't worry about having a relationship with their children... this is not to say that those kids didn't develop a respect for their parents later on and form a close relationships. When you did something wrong you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were gunna get your butt busted... so you didn't do it... and they didn't just use a liitle tap on the butt... it HURT. There were no one, two, three chances. So I don't think spanking is an effective form of disipline when used arbitrarily... either use it all the time... or reserve it for EXTREME meassures, or don't use it at all. I think... HOPE... that other form of disipline are effective for most behavior problems if used consistantly. IMO that is our biggest down fall as parents today... we are not consistant.I agree that not all kids can handle this type of punishment... and that some have and do suffer from it. I also agree with the part of the article that says parents sometimes spank as a way to release their own frustrations. I also agree that spanking can lead to violent behavior. I am not making lay statements... I am a mother of four who is struggling to find the right method for my family... I have spanked all of my older three children and I'll have to admit that it has not worked for us... plus I am constantly dealing with the issue now of my kids hitting each other. I try to explain to them that it is not their place to disipline each other but when one does something the other does like their first reaction is to hit the other. My husband and I say to each other all the time that we don't understand... we would have never behaved the way our children have at times. I'm not saying that I gave birth to a bunch of hellians... they can be really good kids.. but we do have our issues.. I won't go into all that right now though. I am currantly looking for something that will work for our family that I can use consistantly... but I can't let that thing be spanking... I want my kids to repect me without fear of me inflicting pain on them... and I can't take the constant fighting in my house anymore... this has to be a hit free zone. I can't promise that I will Never spank Ronan(my youngest) for EXTREME things.. but I hope not... I hope that I can find something else that works... my relationship with my kids is very important to me... I know you can't be your kids best friend all the time but theres GOT to be something else that TRUELY works... cuz I've got news for you ladies that only have one... or haven't been through it all yet... an occasionall spanking doesn't work!
When I decided to revisit the subject I got online and tried to research. There are plenty of "studies" that show adverse effects of spanking. The problem is none of them are scientific. The people looked at come from an era when it's hard to find ANYbody who has never been spanked. Sure, ask a mass murderer if he was spanked as a child... I'm sure he will say yes. But how many well adjusted citizens, or even Nobel peace prize winner were spanked as well. I was. Maybe the murderer was spanked more often but chances are he wasn't a very good kid! Remember we are just talking about spanking, not abuse. In January 2010 a study was released claiming to be more scientic than any previous study. http://www.network54.com/Forum/198833/thread/1262937031/1263592600/Pro-Spanking+Studies+May+Have+Global+Effect
So is spanking actually beneficial when used correctly. But what is correct...
I so many times in the past, when my kids were misbehaving wondered where I went wrong. The only thing I think I did wrong was not turn to God sooner for guidance. All of the character qualities I want my children to have are outlined in the Bible. It's my job to teach them. I don't think my kids hit each other because of an occasional spanking. I think they hit because the majority of them are aggressive boys, and I failed to teach them self-control.
So what exactly does the Bible say about spanking.
Prov 13:24: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (diligently)."
Prov 19:18: "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying."
Prov 22:15: "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."
Prov 23:13: "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die."
Prov 23:14: "Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell (Shoel)."
Prov 29:15: "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."
Some people argue that King Solomon who wrote proverbs was a tyrant and look how his son turned out but the Bible tells us God gave him great wisdom.
Solomon prays:
"Give Thy servant an understanding heart to judge Thy people and to know good and evil."1 Kings 3:9 [9]
"So God said to him, 'Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked...'" (1 Kings 3:11-12)[9] The Hebrew Bible also states that: "The whole world sought audience with Solomon to hear the wisdom God had put in his heart." (1 Kings 10:24) [10]
The old testament also advises a lot of stoning though... So you decide.
Anyway, this is what we have come up with for our family. We have Bible study every evening to learn how to apply the fruits of the spirit to our lives. In our chore packs specific consequences are given. If morning pack isn't completed, that person has to do everyones bathroom chore in the afternoon. If the afternoon pack isn't completed, that person has to do everyones kitchen chore in the evening. If evening pack isn't completed, no bedtime snack! Timeouts are given for indirect disobedience... Or doing what you know you are not suppose to do. Grounding and loss of priveleges results after a third timeout in day. Direct defiances gets a count to 3, then a spanking. There I said it. I spank my kids. Or at least I would. They don't usually let me get to 3. I used redirection with Ronan, as I am doing now with Raiden until about 3. When I was sure he understood my direction, but started telling me no. Am I bad mom, I don't think so. Although, my kids do sometimes tell me I'm the worst mom in the world, when they don't get their way. I figure they will have plenty of friends in their lifetimes, but only one mom. My firmness is balanced with, love, gentleness and affection. My 12 year old son still likes to cuddle with me, as do all my kids. I don't yell and scream anymore, it's not necessary. Hopefully as my kids and I learn more from the Bible, discipline will become less and less. It seems like it has already and we are only two weeks in.
I'm on the fence with this subject... I agree that kids today seem to be much less respectful but it also seems like there are a LOT more parents that still believe in spanking than not... Don't misunderstand me... I am NOT advocating the extreme spanking most of our parents and grandparents used but I think in order for any disipline to work it has to be full on. Back in the day parents didn't worry about having a relationship with their children... this is not to say that those kids didn't develop a respect for their parents later on and form a close relationships. When you did something wrong you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were gunna get your butt busted... so you didn't do it... and they didn't just use a liitle tap on the butt... it HURT. There were no one, two, three chances. So I don't think spanking is an effective form of disipline when used arbitrarily... either use it all the time... or reserve it for EXTREME meassures, or don't use it at all. I think... HOPE... that other form of disipline are effective for most behavior problems if used consistantly. IMO that is our biggest down fall as parents today... we are not consistant.I agree that not all kids can handle this type of punishment... and that some have and do suffer from it. I also agree with the part of the article that says parents sometimes spank as a way to release their own frustrations. I also agree that spanking can lead to violent behavior. I am not making lay statements... I am a mother of four who is struggling to find the right method for my family... I have spanked all of my older three children and I'll have to admit that it has not worked for us... plus I am constantly dealing with the issue now of my kids hitting each other. I try to explain to them that it is not their place to disipline each other but when one does something the other does like their first reaction is to hit the other. My husband and I say to each other all the time that we don't understand... we would have never behaved the way our children have at times. I'm not saying that I gave birth to a bunch of hellians... they can be really good kids.. but we do have our issues.. I won't go into all that right now though. I am currantly looking for something that will work for our family that I can use consistantly... but I can't let that thing be spanking... I want my kids to repect me without fear of me inflicting pain on them... and I can't take the constant fighting in my house anymore... this has to be a hit free zone. I can't promise that I will Never spank Ronan(my youngest) for EXTREME things.. but I hope not... I hope that I can find something else that works... my relationship with my kids is very important to me... I know you can't be your kids best friend all the time but theres GOT to be something else that TRUELY works... cuz I've got news for you ladies that only have one... or haven't been through it all yet... an occasionall spanking doesn't work!
When I decided to revisit the subject I got online and tried to research. There are plenty of "studies" that show adverse effects of spanking. The problem is none of them are scientific. The people looked at come from an era when it's hard to find ANYbody who has never been spanked. Sure, ask a mass murderer if he was spanked as a child... I'm sure he will say yes. But how many well adjusted citizens, or even Nobel peace prize winner were spanked as well. I was. Maybe the murderer was spanked more often but chances are he wasn't a very good kid! Remember we are just talking about spanking, not abuse. In January 2010 a study was released claiming to be more scientic than any previous study. http://www.network54.com/Forum/198833/thread/1262937031/1263592600/Pro-Spanking+Studies+May+Have+Global+Effect
So is spanking actually beneficial when used correctly. But what is correct...
I so many times in the past, when my kids were misbehaving wondered where I went wrong. The only thing I think I did wrong was not turn to God sooner for guidance. All of the character qualities I want my children to have are outlined in the Bible. It's my job to teach them. I don't think my kids hit each other because of an occasional spanking. I think they hit because the majority of them are aggressive boys, and I failed to teach them self-control.
So what exactly does the Bible say about spanking.
Prov 13:24: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (diligently)."
Prov 19:18: "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying."
Prov 22:15: "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."
Prov 23:13: "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die."
Prov 23:14: "Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell (Shoel)."
Prov 29:15: "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."
Some people argue that King Solomon who wrote proverbs was a tyrant and look how his son turned out but the Bible tells us God gave him great wisdom.
Solomon prays:
"Give Thy servant an understanding heart to judge Thy people and to know good and evil."1 Kings 3:9 [9]
"So God said to him, 'Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked...'" (1 Kings 3:11-12)[9] The Hebrew Bible also states that: "The whole world sought audience with Solomon to hear the wisdom God had put in his heart." (1 Kings 10:24) [10]
The old testament also advises a lot of stoning though... So you decide.
Anyway, this is what we have come up with for our family. We have Bible study every evening to learn how to apply the fruits of the spirit to our lives. In our chore packs specific consequences are given. If morning pack isn't completed, that person has to do everyones bathroom chore in the afternoon. If the afternoon pack isn't completed, that person has to do everyones kitchen chore in the evening. If evening pack isn't completed, no bedtime snack! Timeouts are given for indirect disobedience... Or doing what you know you are not suppose to do. Grounding and loss of priveleges results after a third timeout in day. Direct defiances gets a count to 3, then a spanking. There I said it. I spank my kids. Or at least I would. They don't usually let me get to 3. I used redirection with Ronan, as I am doing now with Raiden until about 3. When I was sure he understood my direction, but started telling me no. Am I bad mom, I don't think so. Although, my kids do sometimes tell me I'm the worst mom in the world, when they don't get their way. I figure they will have plenty of friends in their lifetimes, but only one mom. My firmness is balanced with, love, gentleness and affection. My 12 year old son still likes to cuddle with me, as do all my kids. I don't yell and scream anymore, it's not necessary. Hopefully as my kids and I learn more from the Bible, discipline will become less and less. It seems like it has already and we are only two weeks in.
Monday, January 17, 2011
My journey to attachment parenting
This post in itself has been an evolution. I originally wrote it after Ronan was born, then updated it after Raiden was born. Now, Over a year later, I'm updating again! Sleeping arrangements have, and will always be, evolving at our house. As well as other aspects of my parenting.
I've always leaned a little towards AP but I guess found it easier to follow mainstream. I don't think you can "spoil" a newnorn. Most are carried for 9 months in the womb so a few more months isn't going to ruin them... Just give them security. I was 21 when I had my first and only nursed for 3 months. I was working and going to school full time... I put myself before my baby. He slept in a bassinet next to our bed for his first 2 months and then moved to his own room in his own bed. Luckily for the most part Joshua wasn't a cryer he started sleeping through the night at 9 weeks and if he did wake up I could give him a pacifier and he would drift right back to sleep. Unfortunately, I did let him CIO a few times because I was too lazy to walk to his room in the middle of the night. Now that I look back I see that it would have been much easier and better for him to have left him in our room. We moved when he was 18 months. My SIL wanted her crib back so we bought a toddler bed... that worked for about a week then we decided to wecome him back to our bed. He stayed there until he turned 5.
Jacob was born when Joshua was 3. He had belly problems. He couldn't lie flat so he slept in his carseat/carrier until he was 4 months at which time I stopped nursing. I later found out that he had been suffering from lactose overload. He was an emotionally taxing baby... because of his belly problems that my pedatrician just coined "colic." He cried ALL the time. I put the poor baby in his own room and let him CIO because nothing I did seemed to work. If only I had been more educated. He cries a lot to this day and I blame myself. When he was 6 months old I found out I was pregnant with Summer. We then moved Jacob to the bigger room in preparation for him and Joshua to eventually share a room. He was 2 1/2 when that happened. We moved him out of his crib when he was 3. They slept together on a futon at first. We got them twin beds shortly after, then bunk beds right before Ronan was born.
Summer too, went to her own room when she was 2 months. I had created a beautiful nursery for her and darnit she was gunna use it. I got a lot less sleep than I could have had I not been being bull headed. I stopped nursing her at 6 months partially because we were starting to plan #4, partially for selfish reasons. Once she was out of her crib she slept on a little toddler couch bed in the boys room for a while and slept in our room in a recliner until she was 5 when she got a "big girl princess canopy bed." She had a special spot in our room that she liked to revisit up until we moved when she was 7.
I wrote this next part right after Ronan was born. I wanted to leave it but I'll update too.
Now my older kids are in school and I have a brand new baby and am a lot more educated but am still learning. Ronans crib is in our room bumped up against our bed. I was an idiot for not co-sleeping with all of them. I love him being right there next to me and I even sometimes enjoy those late night feedings. I hope that I am able to nurse until he is ready to stop... stay in my room until he is ready to leave... never has to know what it is like to CIO... is worn unless he prefers otherwise until I'm not physically able... and is never spanked. I'm am going to write a separate blog on my experience with spanking and babywearing. I believe that I will be able to acheive these thing through the help and support of other moms like me.
My view on spanking is still on the fence. I have still resorted to it for discipline. I'll get to that post next.
At 9 months Ronan was still not sleeping thru the night and nursing every 3hrs around the clock. So we started experimenting with other sleeping arrangements. Summertime had just started so we let Summer either sleep on the couch or in our room and put him in her room. He finally slept thru the night but wouldnt settle in good until it got dark and would wake up as soon as the sun came up. So we hung blankets on the window and that did the trick he started sleeping from 8 to 8. It was wonderful. When school started back we had to figure out something different so Summer could have her room back. We took the shelves down on one side in our walk-in closet and put his crib in there. That's where he stayed until we moved.
One of the things that makes this house perfect for us is that it has a nursery off the master suite that doesn't have any windows!
Ronan got only breastmilk until he was six months old. I ended up in the hospital with a kidney stone right before our trip to Hawaii. But that's a whole other story. He continued to nurse til he was 11 months and then just gave it up on his own. I started giving him solids at between 6&7 months. I bought a little purator and made my own bb food. Not because I think there is anything wrong with store bought but because I thought it was convenient and cheap. I invested a lot in good slings and wraps and think they are the greatest. I would see other moms in Walmart with their carriers in their buggies, holding their babies trying to console them and push the buggy at the same time. While I had mine snuggled up to my chest snoozing hands free. I even wore him in a ringsling when I was pregnant at the aquarium and zoo.
Raiden of course sleeps next to us and nurses when he wants. I have had to supplement with formula a little because I haven't had the time to pump like I did with Ronan. Another big decision we made different with him is that we decided not to circumcise. Not anything major but we had problems with all of our other boys. After Ronans I had went online to see if his was healing right (he had the bell) and ended up coming across some things I had never even thought about. We just did it to our others because we thought that's what everybody did and that it was necassary. Not for any religious or personal convictions. I won't go into it all, it was not an easy decision but we decided that we weren't going to do it this time. I didn't have reservation with the others because I wasn't educated. Having reservations, if something bad would have happened, although the chances are slim, I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself. It's kinda funny because he ended up being born with something called a tied tongue where the piece of skin under the tongue (frenulum) is short. Since he was gaining weight fine we decided not to have it clipped either. Scott joked that if he decides when he's older to have either one done, maybe he can get a two for one special. Lol
I said earlier that I began supplementing with Raiden. I did this so Scott could do a night time feed on the weekend and I could get a longer stretch of sleep. At six months Raiden decided he could wait for mommy. He flat out started refusing a bottle, even if it had breastmilk in it. No biggy, he was giving me longer stretches at night anyway. He started taking sippy cups with whole milk at 11 1/2 months. He stopped nursing on his own at 12 1/2 months. A week before I found out I was pregnant.
Okay, now for the 2010-2011 update on sleeping arrangements. When we first moved in Joshua wanted his room in the basement. That didn't last long... He ended up at first sleeping on a mattress in the floor in Jacobs room. Then just in the bed with Jacob... Shhh! Don't tell anybody!
When Raiden started sitting up on his own, which was at about 8 months. We had to move him out of the bassinet. I know it was long over due! I just wasnt ready to move Ronan out of the nursery off our room yet. We tried at first moving Ronan to the basement because it doesn't have windows. We turned the main floor nursery into a bedroom for Joshua but he still ended up sleeping with Jacob. For some reason Ronan refused to use the ceiling fan down there and since the AC isn't ran to the basement he would sweat really bad at naptime. Since Joshua wasn't using his room we moved Ronan in there and I put a blackout shade on the window.
When I found out I was pregnant again, we again decided we needed to reassess. We moved Summer to the basement... She'll use the ceiling fan. Joshua and Jacob moved to Summers room. It's bigger and had more closet space. We put a queen size bed in there for them. Ronan doesn't nap anymore for the most part. We moved him to the boys old room... No blackout shade. And turned the little room back into a day nursery. We kept a twin bed in there though.
My mom asked the other day where the new baby is going to sleep at night. Well, that will change a lot over the first year. We've never been real comfortable with a newborn actually IN the bed with us. I could've bought another full size crib to put next to the bed... Our last one got recalled, but I decided to buy an in bed co-sleeper this time. That a way i can put the baby between us up high and not have to worry about Scott rolling or covering him/her with our blankets. I'm not sure how long we will use it. I'm guessing 1-3 months then we will transition to the bassinet next to our bed. I like being able to place my hand on them comfortably in the early days. It helps both of us sleep. I'll push that as long as I can, 6-8 months. Then Raiden will have to move to the main floor with the rest of the boys. He'll be 26-28 months by then. He'll stay in his baby bed until he's 3 hopefully. Ronan was 2 1/2 because of the recall. I haven't decided yet if I'll move him in with Ronan or into the day nursery. It depends on whether I still want to use it for naps for the baby.... We'll see!
All in all, I think the best sleeping arrangement varies for every family. It depends on where everybody is getting the best sleep. I don't think there is anything wrong with co sleeping long term... It's just not for us. I like transitioning mine to their own space when they start moving around so I don't have to worry about them getting up during naptime with me unaware. With so many kids I don't have the luxury of being able to nap with them. I have to use that time wisely! We like gently teaching our babies... After 6-8 months... To fall asleep on their own. I begin by lying them down for naps and bedtime, awake but drowsy. I go back to them and give a binky, or pat them briefly as soon as they make a peep. Soon they learn that I didn't really leave them and would be there immediately if they need me. Sleep becomes a peaceful, restful state that they enjoy and do not fear. After they get used to being in a separate room every now and then they may protest going to bed by fussing a minute or two. As long as it doesn't last or escalate I leave them alone. Also at night once they are skipping the nighttime feeds, if they wake up, at first again I go to them immediately. Then after they are going to sleep initially on their own, I'll let them fuss a minute or two to give them a chance to put themselves back to sleep. This has worked like a charm for both Ronan and Raiden. I'll keep my finger crossed for this one!
The 7 baby b's
1. Birth bonding
2. Breastfeeding
3. Bedding close by
4. Babywearing
5. Being sensitive to babys cry
6. Beware of baby trainers (schedules)
7. Balance
I also like the 5 S's
1. Swaddling
2. Sucking
3. Swinging/swaying
4. Shhhhing sound
4. Side/stomach..... When you are monitoring
I've always leaned a little towards AP but I guess found it easier to follow mainstream. I don't think you can "spoil" a newnorn. Most are carried for 9 months in the womb so a few more months isn't going to ruin them... Just give them security. I was 21 when I had my first and only nursed for 3 months. I was working and going to school full time... I put myself before my baby. He slept in a bassinet next to our bed for his first 2 months and then moved to his own room in his own bed. Luckily for the most part Joshua wasn't a cryer he started sleeping through the night at 9 weeks and if he did wake up I could give him a pacifier and he would drift right back to sleep. Unfortunately, I did let him CIO a few times because I was too lazy to walk to his room in the middle of the night. Now that I look back I see that it would have been much easier and better for him to have left him in our room. We moved when he was 18 months. My SIL wanted her crib back so we bought a toddler bed... that worked for about a week then we decided to wecome him back to our bed. He stayed there until he turned 5.
Jacob was born when Joshua was 3. He had belly problems. He couldn't lie flat so he slept in his carseat/carrier until he was 4 months at which time I stopped nursing. I later found out that he had been suffering from lactose overload. He was an emotionally taxing baby... because of his belly problems that my pedatrician just coined "colic." He cried ALL the time. I put the poor baby in his own room and let him CIO because nothing I did seemed to work. If only I had been more educated. He cries a lot to this day and I blame myself. When he was 6 months old I found out I was pregnant with Summer. We then moved Jacob to the bigger room in preparation for him and Joshua to eventually share a room. He was 2 1/2 when that happened. We moved him out of his crib when he was 3. They slept together on a futon at first. We got them twin beds shortly after, then bunk beds right before Ronan was born.
Summer too, went to her own room when she was 2 months. I had created a beautiful nursery for her and darnit she was gunna use it. I got a lot less sleep than I could have had I not been being bull headed. I stopped nursing her at 6 months partially because we were starting to plan #4, partially for selfish reasons. Once she was out of her crib she slept on a little toddler couch bed in the boys room for a while and slept in our room in a recliner until she was 5 when she got a "big girl princess canopy bed." She had a special spot in our room that she liked to revisit up until we moved when she was 7.
I wrote this next part right after Ronan was born. I wanted to leave it but I'll update too.
Now my older kids are in school and I have a brand new baby and am a lot more educated but am still learning. Ronans crib is in our room bumped up against our bed. I was an idiot for not co-sleeping with all of them. I love him being right there next to me and I even sometimes enjoy those late night feedings. I hope that I am able to nurse until he is ready to stop... stay in my room until he is ready to leave... never has to know what it is like to CIO... is worn unless he prefers otherwise until I'm not physically able... and is never spanked. I'm am going to write a separate blog on my experience with spanking and babywearing. I believe that I will be able to acheive these thing through the help and support of other moms like me.
My view on spanking is still on the fence. I have still resorted to it for discipline. I'll get to that post next.
At 9 months Ronan was still not sleeping thru the night and nursing every 3hrs around the clock. So we started experimenting with other sleeping arrangements. Summertime had just started so we let Summer either sleep on the couch or in our room and put him in her room. He finally slept thru the night but wouldnt settle in good until it got dark and would wake up as soon as the sun came up. So we hung blankets on the window and that did the trick he started sleeping from 8 to 8. It was wonderful. When school started back we had to figure out something different so Summer could have her room back. We took the shelves down on one side in our walk-in closet and put his crib in there. That's where he stayed until we moved.
One of the things that makes this house perfect for us is that it has a nursery off the master suite that doesn't have any windows!
Ronan got only breastmilk until he was six months old. I ended up in the hospital with a kidney stone right before our trip to Hawaii. But that's a whole other story. He continued to nurse til he was 11 months and then just gave it up on his own. I started giving him solids at between 6&7 months. I bought a little purator and made my own bb food. Not because I think there is anything wrong with store bought but because I thought it was convenient and cheap. I invested a lot in good slings and wraps and think they are the greatest. I would see other moms in Walmart with their carriers in their buggies, holding their babies trying to console them and push the buggy at the same time. While I had mine snuggled up to my chest snoozing hands free. I even wore him in a ringsling when I was pregnant at the aquarium and zoo.
Raiden of course sleeps next to us and nurses when he wants. I have had to supplement with formula a little because I haven't had the time to pump like I did with Ronan. Another big decision we made different with him is that we decided not to circumcise. Not anything major but we had problems with all of our other boys. After Ronans I had went online to see if his was healing right (he had the bell) and ended up coming across some things I had never even thought about. We just did it to our others because we thought that's what everybody did and that it was necassary. Not for any religious or personal convictions. I won't go into it all, it was not an easy decision but we decided that we weren't going to do it this time. I didn't have reservation with the others because I wasn't educated. Having reservations, if something bad would have happened, although the chances are slim, I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself. It's kinda funny because he ended up being born with something called a tied tongue where the piece of skin under the tongue (frenulum) is short. Since he was gaining weight fine we decided not to have it clipped either. Scott joked that if he decides when he's older to have either one done, maybe he can get a two for one special. Lol
I said earlier that I began supplementing with Raiden. I did this so Scott could do a night time feed on the weekend and I could get a longer stretch of sleep. At six months Raiden decided he could wait for mommy. He flat out started refusing a bottle, even if it had breastmilk in it. No biggy, he was giving me longer stretches at night anyway. He started taking sippy cups with whole milk at 11 1/2 months. He stopped nursing on his own at 12 1/2 months. A week before I found out I was pregnant.
Okay, now for the 2010-2011 update on sleeping arrangements. When we first moved in Joshua wanted his room in the basement. That didn't last long... He ended up at first sleeping on a mattress in the floor in Jacobs room. Then just in the bed with Jacob... Shhh! Don't tell anybody!
When Raiden started sitting up on his own, which was at about 8 months. We had to move him out of the bassinet. I know it was long over due! I just wasnt ready to move Ronan out of the nursery off our room yet. We tried at first moving Ronan to the basement because it doesn't have windows. We turned the main floor nursery into a bedroom for Joshua but he still ended up sleeping with Jacob. For some reason Ronan refused to use the ceiling fan down there and since the AC isn't ran to the basement he would sweat really bad at naptime. Since Joshua wasn't using his room we moved Ronan in there and I put a blackout shade on the window.
When I found out I was pregnant again, we again decided we needed to reassess. We moved Summer to the basement... She'll use the ceiling fan. Joshua and Jacob moved to Summers room. It's bigger and had more closet space. We put a queen size bed in there for them. Ronan doesn't nap anymore for the most part. We moved him to the boys old room... No blackout shade. And turned the little room back into a day nursery. We kept a twin bed in there though.
My mom asked the other day where the new baby is going to sleep at night. Well, that will change a lot over the first year. We've never been real comfortable with a newborn actually IN the bed with us. I could've bought another full size crib to put next to the bed... Our last one got recalled, but I decided to buy an in bed co-sleeper this time. That a way i can put the baby between us up high and not have to worry about Scott rolling or covering him/her with our blankets. I'm not sure how long we will use it. I'm guessing 1-3 months then we will transition to the bassinet next to our bed. I like being able to place my hand on them comfortably in the early days. It helps both of us sleep. I'll push that as long as I can, 6-8 months. Then Raiden will have to move to the main floor with the rest of the boys. He'll be 26-28 months by then. He'll stay in his baby bed until he's 3 hopefully. Ronan was 2 1/2 because of the recall. I haven't decided yet if I'll move him in with Ronan or into the day nursery. It depends on whether I still want to use it for naps for the baby.... We'll see!
All in all, I think the best sleeping arrangement varies for every family. It depends on where everybody is getting the best sleep. I don't think there is anything wrong with co sleeping long term... It's just not for us. I like transitioning mine to their own space when they start moving around so I don't have to worry about them getting up during naptime with me unaware. With so many kids I don't have the luxury of being able to nap with them. I have to use that time wisely! We like gently teaching our babies... After 6-8 months... To fall asleep on their own. I begin by lying them down for naps and bedtime, awake but drowsy. I go back to them and give a binky, or pat them briefly as soon as they make a peep. Soon they learn that I didn't really leave them and would be there immediately if they need me. Sleep becomes a peaceful, restful state that they enjoy and do not fear. After they get used to being in a separate room every now and then they may protest going to bed by fussing a minute or two. As long as it doesn't last or escalate I leave them alone. Also at night once they are skipping the nighttime feeds, if they wake up, at first again I go to them immediately. Then after they are going to sleep initially on their own, I'll let them fuss a minute or two to give them a chance to put themselves back to sleep. This has worked like a charm for both Ronan and Raiden. I'll keep my finger crossed for this one!
The 7 baby b's
1. Birth bonding
2. Breastfeeding
3. Bedding close by
4. Babywearing
5. Being sensitive to babys cry
6. Beware of baby trainers (schedules)
7. Balance
I also like the 5 S's
1. Swaddling
2. Sucking
3. Swinging/swaying
4. Shhhhing sound
4. Side/stomach..... When you are monitoring
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