Friday, January 10, 2014

What is a "submissive" wife?

Being "submissive" does not mean that you are less than your husband or not equal to him... You are two halves of a whole. I have a hard time because Scott has always tolerated my strong will, but I know that at times we would have been happier had I stepped back and just honored his wishes.

Feminism has entered our marriages at the expense of men. The adage has become "happy wife, happy life". Men are expected to succumb to their wives whims, and we call this equality. God created us different so that our lives would be balanced. There is a reason that it has always been said that opposites attract. We look for in a partner.. Someone to complete us. Mark 10: "6 But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’[a] 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,[b] 8 and the two will become one flesh.’[c] So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

God created our bodies with a dominant half... You are either left or right handed, left or right brained, with the rare instances of being ambidextrous.  So maybe there are some marriages that the husband and wife are so in sync that they can always lead together, but it would be extremely rare.

Being submissive doesn't mean that you have no input. The bible tells men, Proverbs 19: "14 Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord." The definition of prudent is: Wise in handling practical matters; exercising good judgment or common sense. Therefore, He wants husbands to listen to their wives, but the man should still be the head of his household.  Ephesians 5:23,24,32 "For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church."

There are even MORE scriptures that tells a man how well to treat his wife. A full list of all marriage verses can be found here. 

I love the statement that Candace Cameron Bure has been making, that "meekness is not weakness". Actually, it would take a great deal of strength and self discipline to accomplish this trait. After all, it is the meek who will inherit the earth right?

This is something that I have not been very successful at. I think it is difficult because we feel the need to be so stern with our children and then be expected to turn it off when it comes to our husbands. We have had conflicts where Scott tells me that I am treating him like a child and that is so wrong. What we don't realize is that it's all a vicious cycle. We are told not to embitter our children, but have taught them to be argumentative by our example. Is it any wonder that they get so upset when they don't get their way? When they see their mom have the same reaction if their father disagrees with her. I'll admit it. I've been a spoiled brat in our marriage. We expect them to follow Gods word on submitting to their parents, without showing them what that looks like.  It's about teaching deference, or putting others before ourselves. I tell my kids that true JOY comes from putting Jesus 1st, Others 2nd, and Yourself last. Yes, I teach this to my boys and my girls. A good Christian husband follows this as well. To concrete this into them, we need to live it out on a daily basis. Of course we also teach that this is done by actions that are not contrary to the Bible. God commands us to stand firm on His word... Never to submit to anything that contradicts it.

I'm so glad that Candace's book, Balancing It All, has stirred up this subject in my heart. I haven't read it yet, but I intend to. I have started to write posts about marriage in the past, but haven't, because I haven't been good about living out the truths I know in my heart. I am going to attempt to make a commitment to my family this year to be a better wife and a better mom. Scott is a great husband and father. Does he have his faults? Yes, we all do. But I know that he abides by this... Matthew 22:  "37...Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] He would NEVER make a decision that would be hurtful to our family and he always consults my prudence. The things that he gets frustrated about really wouldn't be that hard to remedy and when he does get frustrated it could be easily defused by not arguing. I know there will be times that we will debate things, but I pray that these instances will be respectful, that I will make my case and then defer to his judgement. All the self-help, marriage, and parenting  books in the world can't teach us better than The life manual that God has given us.

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